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The Daily Tar Heel

I can't fake this feeling anymore

It is well-accepted that women can and do fake orgasms. Meg Ryan did her part in establishing this fact for all of posterity with her delighted delicatessen delivery in 1989’s “When Harry Met Sally.”

But what about the guys? When it comes to orgasm, are men also lying while laying?

Charlene Muehlenhard and Sheena Shippee at the University of Kansas sought to address this very question.

According to their survey of 180 male and 101 female college students (mostly white and heterosexual) in this month’s Journal of Sex Research, 25 percent of men and 50 percent of women reported having “pretended” orgasm, usually during penile-vaginal intercourse.

So how were they faking? Both male and female participants reported bodily or vocal acting, or simply stopping and reporting afterwards to their partner that they had climaxed. One male pretended he “caught” the ejaculate in his hand; others discarded or hid the condom used.

And why? Most participants said that their partner had initiated sex when they were tired or not in the mood, orgasm was taking too long or seemed unlikely, or they wanted the sex to end.

Differentially, more women described faking so that their partner could then orgasm for the sex to end. Also, more women reported a partner who lacked skill but wanted to avoid hurting his feelings or to make him feel good about himself.

These results reflect a few of our sexual assumptions. Virginia Braun of the University of Auckland described a heterosexual script: During intercourse the woman orgasms, then the man orgasms, then sex is over.

While the script prioritizes a woman’s orgasm, it puts pressure on her to climax during intercourse (which is actually difficult for many women), and it denotes the man’s orgasm as the completion of sex.

Additionally, we cling to a Masters and Johnson model of sexual response, which outlines a linear, biological pathway from arousal to orgasm to resolution.

Our “fantasy model of sex,” from Bernie Zilbergeld, equates sex with intercourse and orgasm, and holds men up as perpetual sex machines responsible for the woman’s orgasm.

These assumptions can explain why many women fake orgasm, specifically before their male partner climaxes and sometimes to spare hurt feelings. It can also explain why men fake orgasm in order to end sex.

It’s not my place to say whether faking orgasms is right or wrong. Fake orgasms can be sexy and affirming for the partner, or they can smooth over an awkward situation.

Yet if we want more honest, more fulfilling sex, we’re going to have to get rid of these unreal expectations. We don’t orgasm every time we have sex, especially not according to a script and not always during intercourse.

According to Basson’s newer non-linear model of sexual response, orgasm does not need to be the end-goal of sex. Sex without intercourse or without orgasm can still be emotionally and physically satisfying.

But if we do want to climax, sometimes we will have to guide our partner or take our orgasm into our own hands.

And yes, I mean that literally.

Perry Tsai is a columnist from The Daily Tar Heel. He is a second year medical student from New Orleans, LA. Contact him at Perrytsai@gmail.com

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