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Express yourself (just not like that)

Since the dawn of time, cavemen have decorated their walls with stirring visual expressions of their lives — stunning portraits of hunting, fishing and gathering.

And, since the dawn of time, cavefreshmen have been there to add “is gay” to each and every one of them.

Some things never change. Last week, the Ackland Art Museum hosted a living art project called “Chalk.” Students were invited to take pieces from a large chunk of chalk and express themselves visually.

Not everyone handled the opportunity like adults, instead drawing crude and offensive material all over campus.

“Nobody ever expects people not to be mature,” said Amanda Hughes, director of external affairs at Ackland.

It raises the question: Have they met UNC students?

You don’t have to travel far to see the darker side of the campus psyche on any given day of the week. Take, for instance, Davis Library, where local artists use wooden desks as a canvas to facilitate discussions on diversity.

I viewed some this weekend. Here are a few of my favorite, very real, examples of the desk pieces I saw:

1. “F—gots are gay.” This brave artist seems to rely on an age-old stereotype to stir conversation and shatter our preconceived notions that all f-words are gay by becoming one himself.

2. “N—ger.” This powerful piece took a simple, existential approach to make a commentary on racial taboos in our society, forcing the passerby to examine his inner-self and look around in a panic to make sure no one thought I wrote it.

3. “‘Up’ was just alright. They could have ended it after 10 minutes.” Honestly, this one just flat pissed me off.

Bathrooms are another place on campus where artists express themselves, with themes of loneliness, longing and still lifes of boobs.

The work on the wall is raw and honest, from “For an average time, call 823-XXX-XXXX,” to the heartbreakingly real, “828-XXX-XXXX: Small penis but still a great guy.”

But you can be offended in public, too. There are monuments everywhere to the classes of 1980, 1990 and 2000, all of which — according to the annotations — sucked.

The Student Stores sells “Playboy” magazines (don’t ask). It sells offensive books like, “The Pope is Not Gay!” and “BDSM for nice people,” as if nice people can’t be kinky.

Cut to a Carrboro bedroom:

Woman: Does somebody need to be spanked?

Man: (mouth gagged) … No thanks!

Woman: OK, I’ll untie you!

In Hanes Art Center last year, there was a painting of a large derriere, and a large, smiling circle in the middle with the words “Big Pink A—hole.”

So did Ackland really not see this coming? Hm?

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If you play with fire, you’re going to get burned. But maybe we should worry a little more about the ugliness on the inside, anyway — because, unlike chalk, that doesn’t wash off.

Sincerely,

Small Penis But Still a Great Guy