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The Daily Tar Heel

Too fast but not too furious

	Memet Walker

Memet Walker

Another exciting year at Monsters University.

Honestly, I swore I was done with the business of bashing the athletic department, but like Michael Corleone said, “Just when I think I’m out … they pull me back in! ”

You see, a lot of negative press has been coming out of the basketball program this summer, where P.J. Hairston has been spending his time either testing every traffic law in North Carolina or shooting the longest 50 Cent video ever.

It’s got everything: Fast cars, drugs, guns, Roy Williams twerking angrily in the background. But here’s the gist of it: Hairston was arrested in June on misdemeanor marijuana charges and was charged with driving without a license. A gun was found outside the car but, under questioning, it vehemently denied knowing Hairston. All Hairston’s charges were dropped, but to make matters stickier, the car was rented by a felon named Haydn “Fats” Thomas . It’s the latest in a slew of troubles Hairston’s been finding himself in during the past year, which includes an ongoing NCAA investigation into Hairston’s relationship with an NBA agent .

Still, Roy Williams stuck by Hairston after the charges were dropped (because honestly, if players can’t trust a felon named “Fats,” who can they trust anymore?), but shortly after, when Hairston was cited again — this time going 93 mph on Interstate 85 — Williams released a late-night statement suspending Hairston indefinitely.

That’s where things get murky. See, “indefinitely” is one of those words meant to sound serious that really mean nothing.

Indefinitely: As in definitely, he’ll play games.

Athletic Director Bubba Cunningham proved as much when professor Andy Bechtel tweeted Cunningham told University staff Hairston would play, but not in “all the games.” Presumably, just the really, really important ones.

Guys, can’t we at least pretend our school is still in charge of its students and faculty this year?

Now, I know what you’re thinking. College is the time to let kids make these mistakes. We’re all 20-year-old basketball stars on a full-ride scholarship with NBA prospects once, right?

Look, I work as a journalist in print, so offers of drugs, convertibles, money … Trust me, I get it. But when you’re one of the best players on one of the best college basketball teams in the country, people are going to prey on you. You’re either smart enough to say no, or smart enough to play for UNC knowing they don’t mind as much.

But seriously, do we need any more reasons for people to look at our athletic department suspiciously? Would Coach K put up with any of this?

And what about the athletic department? Will it handle this right? Will they at least get their message together?

How would we feel if the shoe was on a Duke foot? Is it more embarrassing to lose games without Hairston, or to win games with him?

Where’s the Mormon player when we need him?

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