Quickhits for November 7, 2013

The roof is on fire

Residents of Cobb Residence Hall had to find a new place to sleep on Tuesday after their dorm caught fire. Despite displacing 400 residents, only 250 beds were available in other dorms. Thankfully, Cobb contains honors housing, meaning many of the students would be in the library all night anyway.

Axe attack

Six students at a Brooklyn middle school were hospitalized last week after a student sprayed too much Axe body spray. The “deodorizing” spray caused the entire school to shut down. The amount sprayed was said to be more than three cans’ worth, so slightly more than the average middle school boy wears daily.

iSpy

Pollution in China is so bad that more than 20 million surveillance cameras have been rendered ineffective. The government has already fully committed itself to fixing the problem, promising to share its findings to better the globe. As a result, expect the iPhone 6’s camera to be able to see through smog.

It’s a game of inches

An Oregon middle school football coach has been fired for fighting for what he believes in — having an end of the season celebration at Hooters. School officials said it was impractical as the preteen players would not be able to leave their seats without inconspicuously covering their crotches with menus.

Built Ford tough

Toronto mayor Rob Ford admitted to having smoked crack this week. He said he will remain in office and seek relection, blaming the incident on a “drunken stupor.” This appears to be an adequate excuse for Canadians, prompting many to wonder if the U.S. Border Patrol should begin expanding north.

Ahead of the curve

Tuesday, the DTH endorsed Mayor Mark Kleinschmidt for four more years instead of the two given by mayoral terms. Some may say this was a typo. It was actually our new strategy for getting ahead of media forms such as Twitter for the 2015 elections. Expect our picks for president of the class of 2020 soon.