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The Daily Tar Heel

Quickhits for April 10, 2014

Just the worst

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TV and internet giants Time Warner Cable and Comcast have recently merged. In a shocking twist, the wildly popular customer service expert, Comcast, was then rated the worst company in America. Some may think this is harsh, but they haven’t had their internet crash during the climax of a Nickelback music video.

Joffrey sucks

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Get out your long swords and start learning to accept massive amounts of death and bare breasts again because everyone’s favorite Song of Fire and Incest, Game of Thrones, is back on. If you were enough of a try-hard to actually read the books, prepare to be shunned for the next 10 weeks.

Banned lines

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A recent uproar at the authentic Irish pub, Fitzgerald’s, resulted in the banning of the song “Blurred Lines.” We yearn for simpler times when we could listen to respectful songs like 50 Cent’s “Candy Shop” and Lil’ Jon’s “Get Low” at bars and not objectify women from the window to the wall.

Don's family eatery

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Fast food has started biting back, at least as far as Russia is concerned.  In the same week the Mexican food chain, Mighty Taco, banned Vladimir Putin from all its stores, McDonald’s shut down all of its stores in Crimea. The Red Cross has already begun preparing emergency McFlurry drops for Crimean refugees.

Justice is served

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A Pakistani infant was recently charged with attempted murder after his family attacked a group of police.  Thankfully, after literally crapping its pants in front of the judge, the baby was let go. Unfortunately, his younger brother is still being held for charges related to embezzlement and tax evasion.

On field... forever?

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A journalism professor and football assistant coach have been trying to get the NCAA to allow some athletes to only take 6 credit hours in one semester.  While we’re all for athletic reform, we’re not sure if having student-athletes enrolled until they qualify for Medicare is the right way to go.