Kvetching Board for May 22, 2014

kvetch:

v.1 (Yiddish) to complain

To my liberal econ professor: If Keynes is so smart, how come he’s dead?

Professors who say I lack creativity have clearly never seen my Yik Yak posts.

To my ex-girlfriend who keeps calling me ugly on Twitter: Hey, you’re the one who had sex with me.

Are you overly sensitive and chronically offended? There’s a support group for you! Find us on Facebook at “Overheard at UNC.”

Only in Chapel Hill would a police officer have a second job delivering flowers.

I’m glad the movie “Maleficent” is coming out soon. Finally the world will see Angelina Jolie as I did when she stole Brad Pitt from Jennifer Aniston.

The Bachelorette is back on TV, which means I’m back off Twitter on Monday nights.

I hate having normal weather. What am I supposed to small talk about?

To the random stranger who told me “You should try the road, it’s not that scary,” when I was biking on the sidewalk: You should try shutting your mouth. It’s not that scary, either.

Reason #382 I’m Not in the B-School: BUSI 500 kids get a koozie, they trade it for a car. I get a koozie, I’m all, “Dang, free koozie!”

Moral Monday protesters taped their mouths shut in what the GOP interpreted as their first attempt to align themselves with conservative interests.

To my noisy upstairs neighbors: Blast your music at midnight one more time and I will bring a new meaning to Kesha’s Die Young.

The University’s new ratio: 60-40, students to squirrels.

Chapel Hill in the summer is like academic year Sunday mornings: full of regret.

Send your one-to-two ?sentence entries to ?opinion@dailytarheel.com. subject line ‘kvetch.’