Quick Hits for June 26, 2014

#PlebeianProbs

William Shatner announced his disdain this week for “nobodies” on Twitter who have received the blue verified check mark. His argument? Such accolades should be reserved for true celebrities, and their abundance shows a huge flaw in the Twitter system. Our apologies, Sir Shatner, we’ll remove yours immediately.

Munchies gone wild

A Florida woman escaped from handcuffs this week to scarf down the bag of weed a police officer had just confiscated. You know, after she crashed her car twice from going the wrong way down the highway. We really wish we could say this was weird for Florida. Something tells us she is probably still having the last laugh.

Weathnocentrism

This week, David Blumenthal, a spokesman for The Weather Channel, explained that most American weather stations do not display any weather outside of the U.S. border for purely aesthetic reasons. Hold up, America’s hat has weather? We simply thought “cold” would suffice. Poor Canada, can’t get no respect, eh?

A load of crap

Matthew Coomes, 25, drunkenly broke into an Idaho home where he proceeded to smear feces all over the carpet and walls. The residents found him, threatened to shoot him then called the police. The only logical response? The police gave him a free ride home with minimal charges. Really? He could’ve just called a taxi.