Quick hits for June 18, 2015

When former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush announced his candidacy for president, he debuted his logo: a clunky “Jeb!” in a font so corny it almost seems he’s launching an off-Broadway one- man show — which we’d totally go to, by the way. Actually, maybe he should just commit and do a Las Vegas residency a la Britney.

The temperature has shot up to 100 degrees, and as the flowers bloom and future freshmen swarm, the mythical Chapel Hill street harassers have emerged from their crypts. We get it, dudes; women have bodies and don’t want to wear long pants in the summer. This should be shocking to no one. Please just chill.

Tilda, take me away

Tilda Swinton co-founded a high school in Scotland where students carve canoes, make knives and caramelize onions instead of attending science class. UNC, release us all from our contracts so we can transfer to Mother Tilda’s school and stare at bees instead of completing that pesky lab science credit.

On Tuesday, Donald Trump delivered a long, certifiably bat-shit speech announcing his candidacy for president (and suggested Oprah as a running mate). But he should step aside. Rapper-candidate Waka Flocka is the leader America truly needs. Maybe if Trump asks nicely, he can secure a spot as Flocka’s running mate.