Quick hits for Oct. 1, 2015

Too much rain

Rain, seriously, go away. We all go to school in North Carolina for a reason, and it is not to have clouds over our heads throughout the day.  At this point, creationist Ken Ham is seeming less insane for building an exact replica of Noah’s Ark. In all seriousness, this rain just needs to stop as soon as possible.  

---

Snow tweeting

Edward Snowden, the greatest traitor or hero in recent U.S. history, joined the Twitter community on Tuesday — it was one heck of a debut too. He had a conversation with Neil deGrasse Tyson, took a stab at the loyal/evil people stationed at Fort Meade, and made sure to follow his biggest fan, the NSA. 

---

AIM for Chapel Hill

America Online (ask your cool older sibling what it is) released a review of Chapel Hill, giving suggestions for eating and entertainment. In light of this, community members plan to welcome the 30 old people who still read anything AOL publishes. We appreciate your support, AOL.

---

Stewart to Noah

The Daily Show is back with its new host, Trevor Noah. The new show has many remnants of the old show, but it does feature an accurately spinning Earth. While our hearts are still not over the departure of Jon Stewart, we are excited to see that “the war on bullsh*t” is back and hopefully better than ever.

---

Sad Pope emoji

Pope Francis was en route to having an incredible U.S. tour. He spoke out against the death penalty and harsh immigration policies. But he just had to go meet with Kim Davis, “validating” her violation of the law and giving Fox News hours of homophobic content for their host of paranoid narcissists to discuss.

---

Plan for the planet

Water might have been discovered on Mars. This is a groundbreaking discovery, and with the possibility of humans living on the Red Planet, it leaves us wondering how long it will be until humans ruin another planet. This might be a more difficult task on the wasteland that is Mars, but we’ll find a way.