Editorial: The wrong sex education

Forest Theatre, a great place to go for a run, attend a play, yoga class, or puppet show and enjoy nature — to an extent. 

Part of the theatre’s whimsical, folksy charm has been ruined as of late. Runners and people taking their dogs on a Sunday morning stroll have been forced to bare witness to first-years fulfilling every bad HBO comedy stereotype about discovering yourself in college. 

The outdoor theatre is one of several UNC landmarks that has been soiled by mediocre undergrad hook ups. Other places include Old Chapel Hill Cemetery, Coker Arboretum, Davis Library, the Hinton James laundry room and Genome G200. 

Listen, we get it — shows like Pretty Little Liars, Teen Wolf and Riverdale have made the thought of hooking up in your biology classroom after hours sound attractive. 

And doing it on a lofted twin bed in your dorm room isn’t fun for anyone, and will probably end in a trip to UNC hospitals.

But come on. There are plenty of places on and off this campus that aren’t also frequented by students, visiting parents and professors. The rush that comes with potentially getting caught is a lot less thrilling when you’re sitting in a classroom, half-naked, telling your BIOL 201 professor what exactly is going on.

Would you really want to do that to Kelly Hogan? We didn’t think so. 

A good litmus test for your hookup spot: is there a chance of a tour group walking in on you and your significant other/friend/lab partner? If there’s even the slightest possibility of that answer being yes, move at least 500 yards.

We’re all about showing prospective what this is really like. But there’s a differene between showing reality and showing your bare ass to a group of 16 year-olds and their parents.

Hookups come and go, but the scars you leave on high schoolers are forever.

Additionally, if you can see a footpath from where you are — move further into the Arboretum. If people are voluntarily running, the last thing we need to do is discourage them.

We’re not trying to be killjoys here. Having a roommate can be the most effective and least fun form of birth control, and sometimes you have to get creative.

But you don’t have to ruin other people’s days in order to do so. Bathroom stalls are your friend. Rooms with doors that lock are your friend. Hook-up buddies with off-campus houses or a single are your best friends — with benefits.

Thanks for reading.

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