Hi, it’s Kelsey, the more playful of the two DTH newsroom ghosts.
One of our stories today is about how government-funded driver’s ed might be in danger. That takes me back to my driver’s ed days. I remember the class portion mostly in foggy pangs of anxiety, but I really appreciated that the terrifying instructor made one of the mean boys in my class do a wall-sit because he wouldn’t shut up. Justice is sweet.
During the driving portion, I shared a car with a video game enthusiast named Zach. I was scared, so he took the wheel. He explained that he was very good at a certain racing game on his Xbox and that he used that to practice. Then he accelerated directly into a trashcan, damaging it irreparably. We switched places.
Driver’s ed is important. It teaches you how to drive without destroying waste receptacles. It teaches you that a healthy level of fear is helpful when learning to operate a motor vehicle. Most importantly, it teaches you that if you are mean to an authority figure, you will feel the sting of retribution in the deepest parts of your soul. And your thighs.
QUICK HITS
- The N.C. House of Representatives voted overwhelmingly against a bill that would redistribute sales tax to aid rural counties. This has been debated back and forth since Rihanna’s “Umbrella” was at the top of the charts.
- The National Forest Service prohibited shooting in eastern North Carolina’s Croatan National Forest until November due to recent incidents. Put your guns down and look at a tree.
- Junior Murphy Liu is the hero we all deserve. He answers questions for underclassmen on their class Facebook pages. Freshmen, lift on high your (hopefully unworn) lanyards for Murphy.
Eat your vegetables, kids! The Carrboro Farmers’ Market is begging you to do it. They will literally pay you; each registered kid between the ages of 5 and 14 gets $5 to buy the fruits and vegetables of his or her choice. Back in my day, eating fruit only kept me out of trouble. I had to, like, make my bed for financial gain. Kids these days.
The N.C. legislature is threatening to defund driver’s ed. One alternative proposal is toying with the idea of eliminating the class and much of the driving practice in favor of a written exam. Charging students for a private class can get pricy. Letting kids just figure it out themselves could lead to destruction and mass hysteria, and that’s such a drag.
Bentley Spain is a 300-pound UNC football player and aspiring NASCAR driver. He might not easily fit inside one of those cars, but he’s no stranger to the speed of college football. He’s a quick learner, and this season, he’s a starting left tackle. Hopefully his dreams will come true, and so will my dream of beating N.C. State so that it’s safe for me to go home to Raleigh.
Campus Health Services is set to open a pharmacy on the third floor of Student Stores later this semester. It took me 10 minutes to find the course pack section a few days ago, but I assume this addition will not be located in the Narnia area of the store.
A freshman at Duke refused to read the summer reading book, saying he would not compromise his Christian moral beliefs. It has since evolved into a national debate. The book, Alison Bechdel’s “Fun Home,” is pretty graphic, even for a graphic novel. All controversy aside, it’s kind of relieving to see Duke in the news for something other than being, we begrudge, really good at basketball.
Jalynn Harris wants you to know that Black lives are more important than property, and she does not beat around the bush. She calls out the University for choosing to silence activists rather than taking a stand against symbols of oppression. Just go read it; I really can’t do it justice in a few sentences
To get the day's news and headlines in your inbox each morning, sign up for our email newsletters.
