As you know by this point, this is the part of my night when I rack the recesses of my mind for a self-deprecating story that somehow ties into today's news. Unfortunately, a lot of today's news is about drinking or protesting, neither of which I have any familiarity with as a hardworking student and objective journalist.
Instead, I'll share my horrifyingly accurate result from that "Be Like Bill" meme everyone's sharing on Facebook. It was, and I quote: "Danny loves his girlfriend. Danny doesn't have time to look for other girls … Danny is a real man. Be like Danny."
Bonus points to whomever can pick out the sentence I lauded as "sorta half true!" at the breakfast table this weekend.
— Danny
QUICK HITS
- UNC is investigating its chapter of Sigma Nu for an alleged risk management violation. I would tell you what that means, but nobody told us.
- Orange County now has work requirements for its Food and Nutrition Service recipients. About 1,500 people are affected and will have to complete a 20-hour work week to qualify for assistance.
- UNC graduate students can join the ranks of teachers and student journalists in "people who are forever grossly underpaid." Their stipends can be more than $6,000 below the living wage in Orange County.
IN SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION
If you worked for DTH during your time at UNC, come to our alumni homecoming next month. There will be hors d'oeuvres — or at least, like, cheese fries from Linda's. I can bring some Andre if you're really feeling a party. Just let me know. Whatever you need.
IN SNAKE PERSON NEWS
Forbes Magazine just told me millennials are over binge drinking. Just like how my friend's middle-school-age sister recently informed me we're already over Twitter and wedge boots. No one tells me anything anymore.
IN STUDENT LIFE
UNC College Republicans is hosting a speaker on the Black Lives Matter movement. The event is two months out, and people are already frustrated. Though, in fairness, the event is titled "The Left’s Obsession with Race: An Evening with Ben Shapiro," which sounds about as passive aggressively confrontational as any comment your grandmother makes at Thanksgiving dinners.
IN UNC-SYSTEM NEWS
At least 10 groups are expected to attend a protest against Margaret Spellings today. The UNC-system president-elect's viewpoints haven't exactly made friends with groups like Faculty Forward, Ignite NC and the Board of Governors Coalition. They'll be among Marg's protestors at the Board of Governors' meeting today.
IN THE BLOGS
If you want to call out your friends in a polite yet viral way, there's a meme for that. It's called "Be Like Bill," and it's probably the most annoying thing (that I still shamelessly participated in) since the death of Ask.fm sophomore year of high school. Go forth and let a random generator throw shade at your friends and co-workers. I definitely did.
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