There are many things I hate in this life. The state fair is one of them.
It isn’t because of the rides, the ridiculous crowds or even because of the creepy clowns (and those aren’t even fair-exclusive anymore). It’s the food.
I hate it not only because it is disgusting, but because I know I’ll eat my weight in fried Oreos and projectile-vomit off the side of the Tilt-A-Whirl anyway. When that smell hits me — that delicious mixture of funnel cakes, corn dogs and the sweat of middle-school boys trying to kiss their crushes on the top of the Ferris wheel — everything gets blurry and I go into a fair food-induced haze.
In a less embarrassing world, I’d blame it on being completely inebriated, just like my angels on Swerve. But in an honest world, we all know I make those decisions while stone-cold sober. :’)
— Tiana
QUICK HITS
- If you've got five minutes, take our reader survey on how DTH at a Glance is doing this year. Let us know what we're doing right, what we're royally screwing up or what we're missing completely.
- UNC senior football receiver Mack Hollins’ collegiate career is effectively over after having season-ending surgery to repair his right collarbone. He ends his four years at North Carolina with an impressive 81 catches for 1,667 yards and 20 touchdowns.
- After the vandalism and firebombing that occurred early Sunday morning, Gov. Pat McCrory visited the Orange County GOP headquarters in Hillsborough to address what he described as “much more than an act of vandalism.”
- With Nov. 8 looming just around the corner and a political storm brewing on campus, UNC professors and students are debating whether or not political discussions should be permitted in the classroom.
IN FINAL VERDICTS
Chandler Kania has been found guilty of three counts of involuntary manslaughter and one count of reckless driving. The decision came on Monday after two days of deliberation and sentenced the former UNC student to a minimum 12 years and 8 months in prison. Kania, now 21, is convicted in connection with a head-on drunk driving collision in July 2015 that killed three people and seriously injured one other.
IN “YAAAS, BEE!”
Nobody can explain the recent increase in UNC’s bee population. If you’ve walked through the Pit, you understand: bees swarm the trash cans and send students and their poor Alpine bagels running. Some suspect the bees are escaping from local bee owners’ hives, but I wonder if they’re escaping from Hawaii, where there’s recently been a dangerous decrease in bee populations. Apparently, humans vacation in Honolulu, and bees vacation in Chapel Hill.
IN CLOWNIN’ AROUND
The North Carolina State Fair was lit, and so were we. DTH Swerve loves the fair. DTH Swerve also enjoys being a little bit tipsy. Why would we not combine these two things? In this edition of Drunk, Sober, High, we tell the tale of what will get you sick faster: the hot-fried deliciousness of deep-fried delicacies, or our tried and true friend: alcohol.
IN SPONSORED CONTENT
If you’re looking for people to hang out with and have too much self-respect to use Tinder Social, you could always try Hopspot. The app shows you what your friends are up to tonight to try to avoid the ~drama~ of plan making.
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