After years of what employees can only describe as “The Cookie Deficit," Carolina Dining Services has finally decided to install a surveillance camera at the back of the cookie shelf.
Limiting every student to two cookies per swipe, a CDS spokesperson said, will prevent rising meal plan prices.
“Every year we lose thousands of dollars as students steal more than their swipe’s worth of cookies. We had to lay off 30 employees last year in what became known as the Cookie Cut. It was devastating,” she explained, wiping a tear from her eye.
The textbook cookie hoarder had a "crumb-covered shirt, suspiciously overflowing pockets, an obvious Freshman Fifteen and a milk mustache.”
In the meantime, before installation, the dining hall will take the following precautions to prevent excessive cookie consumption:
- Exclusively stock the shelves with oatmeal raisin cookies
- Conveniently forget to put out wax paper cookie sleeves
- Mandatory pocket and hood checks on the way out of the dining hall
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