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The Daily Tar Heel
You Asked for It

Rejected You Asked for It questions, April 15

You Asked for It receives a lot of pleas for advice that we just can’t answer in print, usually due to length or profanity, but we’re dedicated to helping you with your weirdest, scariest and most personal queries no matter what.

So here are a few previously unseen gems from the vault. Which we keep closed, locked and guarded by mountain trolls. Because not all of our questions are fit for print. Especially not these.

The concerning

You: Is it romantic to ask my classmate out using Katy Perry lyrics?

YAFI: Yes, but “you make me feel like I’m living a teenage dream” might be better than “don't be a chicken boy, stop acting like a beeotch.”

You: What is better when trying to impress a girl: Irish jig or Swedish dancing?

YAFI: Drew says Swedish dancing; Kelsey says, “Oh my gosh I used to be an actual journalist how did I get here?!" 


The WTF

You: I write Carol Folt fan fiction. Any idea on how to get it accepted by a campus publication?

YAFI: Send it to us in PDF form at dthyafi@gmail.com, and we will run it as our next column.

You: How do I slowly ease my crush into my Shrek obsession?

YAFI: Full submergence. Take her to your next Shrek cosplay convention dressed as Donkey. If she can take the slime, she can stay in the swamp.


The “OMG Kelsey works here too”

You: When is Drew coming home? I miss him dearly.

YAFI: Drew is not coming home. He has even left Spain to audition for an off-off-Broadway production of "Newsies," hoping to merge his passions for journalism and acrobatic 27-year-olds pretending to be 13.

You: What am I supposed to do while Drew is gone?

YAFI: Carry around various memorabilia to remind yourself that while Drew might be gone forever, he’ll never be far from your heart. Purchase an exclusive hoodie, thumb ring or belt buckle from his official online store.

You: How should I distract myself from Drew's absence?

YAFI: Before Drew passed, he left a series of voicemails detailing specific instructions for what his fans should do once he was gone. Check your phones. He’s there. And if he’s not there, you’re not a big enough fan for specific instructions. Maybe “Doctor’s Orders” over at Elon’s The Pendulum is more your speed.

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