Kiana Cole (Michael Jordan’s basketball career) and Alison Krug (Michael Jordan’s baseball career) are the writers of UNC’s premier (only!) satirical advice column. Results may vary.
You: What now?
You Asked for It: Frankly, we at YAFI have more questions than answers.
Questions like, did Pat McCrory ask for a recount for the gubernatorial race because he believes there was truly an error made in accounting for all of the votes, or is it because he made a mess in the governor’s mansion and hasn’t had the chance to clean it up, essentially holding the door shut and shouting, “Just five more minutes! Keep counting the votes! You’re done? Well count them again!” while frantically Swiffering.
If we were to graph the following trends — how uncomfortable you suspect Thanksgiving dinner will be, how many relatives on your Facebook timeline claim they’ll move to Canada and how thankful Canadians are for Justin Trudeau — would the result be a single, skyrocketing arrow approaching an infinite slope?
Questions like, Dela-where, Dela-what, Dela-how do I become friends with Joe Biden now that he’s leaving the White House?
Questions like, what’ll it take for all students at UNC to feel safe, secure, represented and heard?
These are some of the questions that even your favorite writers of hyperlocalized comedy and satirical advice can’t answer with a “Hinton James did not walk here from Wilmington for this!” joke or a quip about the campus squirrels. Our best guesses to the answers, though, are “probably the latter option,” “almost definitely,” “he’s got things to do!” and “a lot of listening, a lot of understanding, a lot of work and a lot of action.”
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