Alison Krug (Marching Tar Heels groupie) and Kiana Cole (Really a fan of those guys who mop the court) are the writers of UNC’s premier (only!) satirical advice column. Results may vary.
You: What do you think Duke was doing during the national championship game?
You Asked for It: Don’t believe the hype of the confetti that flies with that final buzzer or the way Franklin Street floods with thousands of overjoyed Carolina Blue-clad fans — winning the NCAA National Championship is a drag!
You’re never getting those two hours of your life back. While Kennedy Meeks had to waste his Monday night catching all sorts of rebounds, Duke’s team could have squeezed in, like, two and a half loads of laundry! We all get so behind on our laundry during the school week ... they’re so lucky!
Mike Kdoia;fjjkd;a sdl;rfjdsiv was able to spend those precious hours delicately operating the claw machine he uses to gently pick a new consonant to add to his name every millennium. It must be so nice to be bad at basketball.