Alison Krug (Celebrating Russian Cosmonaut Day!) and Kiana Cole (sad she missed Barbershop Quartet Day yesterday) are the writers of UNC’s premier (only!) satirical advice column. Results may vary.
You: I just realized I haven’t spoken in class once, but participation is 20 percent of my grade. How do I make up for lost time?
You Asked for It: There’s nothing quite like crying tears of regret that sting with the sorrow of missed opportunities after reading your syllabus and seeing just how much participation is worth.
Surprisingly, here are some things that don’t count as participation: laughing out loud at that Arthur’s Fist meme on your computer, offering your TA a piece of gum and making the conscious effort to not flip your desk when that guy in class so poetically chimes in, “Yeah, I guess women have been underappreciated in America’s development.”
You: I’m graduating in just a few weeks, and I still don’t have a job. What should I do?