A drinking game worthy of a king

Tomorrow, I will spend more time in the Paul Green Theatre than I typically spend sleeping.

PlayMakers Repertory Company’s most recent mainstage production, “The Making of a King,” consists of three of Shakespeare’s history plays and has a total running time of six hours.

I will have the privilege of seeing all of the rotating repertory show — both parts of “Henry IV” and “Henry V” — in one day.

And I’m pretty psyched about it. I’m an English major, I love Shakespeare and I love political drama. I also predict the experience will be, on some level, communal. Like a tame day at Bonnaroo, sans the weed and dehydration.

But I’m not completely naive. I know there’s going to be that hour where both of my legs are dead asleep. I know that I’ll seriously contemplate escape about nine times. And I know that to power through, I’m going to need some sort of motivational device in place.

So — if any of you are also considering this conquest — here follows a plan that might be useful for the theatrical marathon.

First, grab a drink. Coffee. Tea. Or I guess, if you’re feeling particularly daring, Diet Coke with lime. I honestly cannot think of any other beverages you would possibly want to consume while spending 25 percent of a day in the same seat.

Got your drink? Cool. Awesome. Great job. Now go find your seat. Sit in that seat.

And now, without further ado, the rules for “The ‘Henry Plays’ Drinking Game.”

1) Take a drink every time someone says the word “anon.” It won’t happen often, but it’ll happen enough.

2) Take a drink every time one of the few female characters appears on stage. Then think about later British history — Elizabeth I, Margaret Thatcher, Elizabeth II. Then, being very careful not to disturb your fellow patrons, softly sing Beyonce’s “Run the World (Girls)” to yourself.

3) Take a drink every time there is some sort of Renaissance-era sexual pun, reference or innuendo. The real troopers may take this rule to signify any time a sword appears on stage.

4) For the entirety of the famous St. Crispin’s Day speech in “Henry V,” take super tiny sips on every stressed syllable of the iambic pentameter.

5) Whenever someone dies, chug your drink all the way through the death scene. If someone in the play happens, by some chance, to have feigned death, chug two more drinks if you fell for it.
A note about refills: As we have established, it’s a long production. So be sure to come prepared, with plenty of extra tea bags.

Contact the Arts Editor at arts@dailytarheel.com.