kvetch ’kvech, ’kfech:
v.1 (Yiddish) to complain

Have I signed a petition for SBP? Yeah, yours will be my fourth.

To the girl Facebook-creeping on “the cute blonde guy with the whorish girlfriend:” That whore sits behind you. And by the way, your shirt is on inside out.

I’m glad people skateboard/longboard around campus, because otherwise I wouldn’t know who was cool.

To the girl wearing a “We didn’t come to college to find our husbands, we came to find our bridesmaids!” shirt: That’s funny; I came to college to get an education.

Dear missing bricks, thanks for adding me to the torn ACL Crew. Do I get to sit next to Lezz and Dex now?

Why isn’t there a twerking LFIT?

To the girls who complain about us staring at your boobs at the gym: We need to remember you by something when you give up on your New Year’s resolution.

Dear Letters to the Editor: please keep our sundry time machines and witches out of off-topic letters. Sincerely, Physics Majors and Salem, Massachusetts.

To the girls on Cameron Ave. bragging about drinking vodka with no mixer: How cute. Did your mommy let you dress yourself today too?

To the insanely drunk girls who trespassed into the kitchen at IP3’s at 7:00pm on a Saturday because you wanted to make your own pizza: Do you really think your pizza is better than IP3’s? I think not.

Is it weird that whenever I see DTH written anywhere, I do a double take to see if it really says DTF?

Who do I have to blow around here to get a Duke ticket?

To the girl whose response to the Pit Preacher was, “The Bible says not to f***ing judge people, so like, shut the f*** up”: Point taken.

Duke is puke, Wake is fake, but the UNC Ticket Office is the one I hate.

Hey Stilman, let us know where you got food poisoning at so we can send a nice pre-game meal to Duke for next Wednesday.

Can somebody start a petition for Dexter to get a haircut?

Dear Reggie Bullock: you look so cool whipping out your iPad in class, especially because your background is a picture of you.

To the SafeWalker who asked my breasts if I needed an escort back to my dorm: No thanks, I’ve got them covered.

To whoever wrote “Rush Slytherin” on the desk in Davis: How rigorous is pledging?

Send your one-to-two sentence entries to opinion@dailytarheel.com, subject line ‘kvetch.’