Kvetching board™

kvetch:
v.1 (Yiddish) to complain

To the asshole riding a skateboard to and from the bathroom on the eighth floor of Davis: Is this really who you are? If so, get the eff out of the grown-up library.

To the alarmed girl who caught me Googling “how to cut someone in half without people knowing”: I swear I was trying to learn the magic trick.

To the cashier working at Rams Head Market the night I bought my Snickers ice cream bar: I wasn’t ashamed of my dietary choices until you told me that I shouldn’t be. Three times.

If stopping child poverty only took a minute, would it really still be an issue?

Kvetching board, y u no have pictures like UNC Memes?

To the girl who didn’t hold the door open for Kendall at Lenoir: Just give him a high five while you’re at it!

Okay everyone, who swiped the Mormons into Lenoir again?

Girl walking into Davis Library: You have a dinosaur bookbag. With spikes on it. I want it.

Don’t worry professor, that “supermodel” you met online who wants you to fly to South America and bring back her luggage is totally legit. There totally won’t be cocaine in there.

A cellphone ban while driving? Good. More time to fiddle with the radio, rummage through my CDs, drink my coffee, scroll through my iPod, smoke my cigarette, eat a ham sandwich, etc.

I appreciate the balance and self-confidence it must require to speed downhill on your bike not using the handlebars AND texting, but maybe you should wear a helmet? #safetyfirst

To the two girls discussing the Trayvon Martin case during the rally/march going on in the Pit: Did you really just use air quotes while saying “It’s a ‘social justice’ thing”???

To the UNC online directory: Of all the potential names for a “digital business card,” you chose vCard? Something just doesn’t feel right about downloading Stilman White’s vCard.

To the tour guide pointing out Barnes and Kendall as “part of the Carolina family who you will see around campus next year”: I would check ESPN first next time.

To the guy trying to teach a squirrel how to play catch with a frisbee: You are either really bored or have no friends. Or both.

To the guy in the Alpine Bagel line asking if this place is good: Have you not seen the shirts? Elvis eats here!

Just because your friend is “in the B-school” does not, in fact, make them “basically a genius.”

I had a relaxing day, so I can’t wait to wake up and realize which extremely important assignment I completely forgot was due.

To the girl who sat next to me in the UL on Thursday afternoon for FIVE HOURS playing a game on her laptop while I wrote a paper: If only my life were as cool as yours.

The odds of getting a good class schedule are about as good as Primrose Everdeen’s chances of getting chosen at the reaping.

Send your one-to-two-sentence entries to opinion@dailytarheel.com, subject line “kvetch.”