You asked for it: in which we graduate
Kent McDonald (Tar) and Annie Kiyonaga (Heel) are the writers of UNC’s premier (only!) satirical advice column. Results may vary.
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Kent McDonald (Tar) and Annie Kiyonaga (Heel) are the writers of UNC’s premier (only!) satirical advice column. Results may vary.
When I sat down to write this column, which is my last for the Daily Tar Heel, I decided to re-read my first piece, “SOS: I have a crush!” Reading it again transported me back to the day I wrote it. I was at my beloved Open Eye Cafe, half-expecting my crush to walk in at any moment. I remember imagining him reading my column and realizing he felt the same way. He would become so overwhelmed by my eloquent words that he would have to ask me out.
Yes, the rumors are true. I, Kent Matthew McDonald, unofficial Daily Tar Heel relationship columnist and aspiring Real Housewife of New York City, can confirm that I do, indeed, NOT have a crush anymore!
Kent (Paris, France) and Annie (Paris, Texas) are the writers of UNC’s premier (only!) satirical advice column. Results may vary.
In the fifth episode of Netflix’s new reality TV series "Dating Around," the episode’s protagonist Sarah, a red-lipped tech recruiter with a sassy, curly bob, sits alone at a bar after being rejected. Sarah sighs, sips her drink and says: “Oh my god, I’m going to go home and masturbate.”
Kent (Space) and Annie (Jam) are the writers of UNC’s premier (only!) satirical advice column. Results may vary.
Given my previous columns for The Daily Tar Heel, it is most likely unsurprising to profess the following: Valentine’s Day is my favorite holiday.
Kent (Salt) and Annie (Pepa) are the writers of UNC’s premier (only!) satirical advice column. Results may vary.
Kent McDonald (Zack) and Annie Kiyonaga (Cody) are the writers of UNC’s premier (only!) satirical advice column. Results may vary.
Late Monday evening, actor Jussie Smollett was walking down a Chicago street when he was approached by two masked men. The men caught Smollett’s attention by calling Smollett racial and homophobic slurs. They then proceeded to beat Smollett, tie a rope around Smollett’s neck and pour a chemical substance over him. Before fleeing the scene, the men proclaimed, “This is MAGA country.”
Kent McDonald (Japanese Breakfast) and Annie Kiyonaga (Full English Breakfast) are the writers of UNC’s premier (only!) satirical advice column. Results may vary.
Am I tidy? Does it matter if I am or am not? These questions have been circulating the narrow and anxiety-ridden hallways of my mind for the past few weeks, ever since my eyes fell upon the delightful Netflix series that is “Tidying Up with Marie Kondo.” It’s a lovely program, guaranteed to make you a shed a tear and perhaps a few of your most treasured items in the process.
Kent McDonald (searching for a boyfriend) and Annie Kiyonaga (searching for an LFIT) are UNC’s premier (only!) satirical advice columnists. Results may vary.
Quick! Poll Everywhere: Did you know Dec. 1 is World AIDS Day? Yes? No? Maybe so?
Kent McDonald (Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas is You”) and Annie Kiyonaga (Jimmy Buffet’s “All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth”) are UNC’s premier (only!) satirical advice columnists. Results may vary.
Dearest readers,
I’m sitting in the middle of the Apple store, shattered phone in one hand, frothy latte in the other, explaining what’s happened to my iPhone when I feel a peculiar moisture on my cheek. I look up, expecting to see a broken pipe dripping from the ceiling. But there is nothing. I look expectantly at the Genius Bar employee surveying my phone. He looks uncomfortable. Another drop of water rolls down my face. As I go to wipe it away, still confused about where this water is coming from, several more drops fall down my cheek. It takes me another second to realize what’s happening. I’m crying.
Halloweekend, in all of its glory, is upon us. Before we launch into our Halloween tips, you, reader, may be thinking: what qualifies these two extremely good-looking writers to give us tips about Halloween? To which we would respond: YAFI knows Halloween. We know it deep in our collective bones. In fourth grade, Annie had bronchitis during Halloween, but DID SHE LET THAT STOP HER? No. She dressed up as the Bride of Frankenstein, cleverly using her existing pallor and scratchy voice to her advantage. Kent grew up in the Midwest, so, naturally, dressed up as corn on the cob for Halloween every year until he was 14. That kind of dedication? That kind of grit? You don’t see that every day. With that, we present:
Yes, the rumors are true. I, Kent Matthew McDonald, proud son of Mark and Judy McDonald, can confirm that I do, indeed, have a crush! (I need you to imagine me saying this through gritted teeth.)
Dear YAFI,