Satire: “I didn’t get a ticket to the Duke-UNC game and I’m OK”
"To be fair, I did forget to enter the lottery. But that doesn’t matter. The lottery should’ve known how bad I wanted that ticket."
"To be fair, I did forget to enter the lottery. But that doesn’t matter. The lottery should’ve known how bad I wanted that ticket."
"The cultural and historical context of the band’s rise is pivotal to fans’ emotional connection to the Beatles’ music, and a song created by only half of the band with contributions from AI is a disservice to the group’s legacy."
"You may be wondering: Will North Carolina be the 25th state to legalize recreational marijuana? The answer, unfortunately, is probably not."
"The parking dilemma on UNC’s campus presents complex challenges for students, with fines, long walks and limited options becoming a common theme. It’s time for UNC to prioritize student parking and address the frustrations that have become all too familiar."
"What could be more convincing to become hooked on energy drinks than to make them highly available on campus and sell them as a necessity for academic success? These companies know their audience. While these drinks may be sold as silver bullets to many daily problems, the overconsumption of them leads to worse health outcomes."
"Gerrymandering allows representatives to choose who their voters, which effectively creates a government that is neither by nor for the people."
"We, the undersigned faculty, staff, and graduate students of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, are writing to join the widespread calls for an immediate ceasefire"
"We welcome input from everyone, and value the range of opinions and lively discourse in the opinion section of our paper and website. We reserve the right, however, to reject submissions that do not meet our editorial standards. While some readers may find language used in op-eds surprising, we believe it is crucial to accurately represent the voices within our community."
"We call on the whole UNC community to stand in solidarity with Palestinians against this ongoing genocide."
"I’m not asking you to support Israel, but I am asking you to care about your Jewish peers."
"The line between animated public discourse and hate speech can sometimes be difficult to identify, especially when participants in that discourse understandably feel anger, fear and an urgent need to support their local and global communities."
"You can't have it both ways, Hillel. Either you're a home for all Jewish students, including those of us who support Palestine, or you're a Zionist organization."
"However, Johnson’s policy plans seem amoral in themselves. Some of his biggest, most threatening takes are rooted in a significant cut in federal funding for Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, food stamps and children's health coverage."
"If you are registered to vote in Orange County and did not early vote for Tuesday’s local elections, check your voter registration at https://vt.ncsbe.gov/RegLkup/ (or go to ncsbe.gov and navigate to Popular Topics > voter search.)"
'We need to shift toward language that describes the situation and include people experiencing homelessness in the conversation. Because our word choice matters, but the people matter more.'
"When I consulted friends for advice on how to perform best in these interviews, I found out they also had been introduced to interviews using AI."
"Recently, the Board of Governors approved a new policy for the state budget that non-STEM professors in the UNC System can no longer receive distinguished professorships. These awards give them a pay raise and a funding boost for research. From now on, only professors in STEM departments will be up for the coveted spots. Quite frankly, I don’t know why people are surprised and upset over the news."
"As a current student looking to take the LSAT exam, worrying about the exam is nothing new. What is most worrisome is that one of the most learnable aspects of the exam is gone. "
"It looks like you still have 50 general education requirements left; It's almost like they keep adding new ones every year. Before you know it, you’re talked into changing your pre-med track to an English major with a creative writing concentration. It looks like you’ll graduate only five years after you intended!"
"Elected politicians should be held to the same expectations as the rest of us — the average retirement age in the U.S. is about 64, and more than half of our senators exceed this age. This should not be the case, and isn't normal in most jobs."