The Daily Tar Heel
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Friday, April 19, 2024 Newsletters Latest print issue

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The Daily Tar Heel

From toilet tips to TOPO taps, from porn star names to P2Ps

My first piece of advice was to avoid the self-help section of the DTH. But here we are, so let me offer just a few, scattered, parting thoughts.

Spend on food, not drink. Good food is not for snobs. It’s for sensible college students who spend their $6.50 at TOPO on the goat cheese salad instead of the “liquid cocaine” shot.

Get to know professors. They are here because they are smart, passionate about their fields and committed to undergraduate education. So, do up that top button of your polo shirt and get your curious butt to office hours.

Find out who Skye Bolt is. He’s got a bright future in Major League Baseball, he has the name of a porn star and he plays at one of the most beautiful stadiums in the NCAA all spring and summer.

Dress nicely for tests and exams. You will spend Friday night admiring the good grade your seriousness has earned you, and Saturday night with an attractive classmate who took notice.

Find prime doo-doo spots. If you don’t know any, inform yourself. One may be company, but number two should never be a crowd.

Write good sentences. Some U.S. Americans like such as in South Africa and everywhere like such as don’t have a good education. You do. Express your thoughts in clear and elegant prose.

No matter what, be an optimist. We all fall short sometimes, but this place has what you need to thrive. Have the enthusiasm and resolve to discover it.

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