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The Daily Tar Heel

You Asked for It: In which we find a ghoulfriend and try to keep Halloween PG

Kelcy and Drew, Early Voters, and AUIYB
Kelcy and Drew, Early Voters, and AUIYB

Drew Goins (not actually the devil) and Kelsey Weekman (undecided) are “You Asked for It,” a column in which the two experts give you their rarely helpful advice. Results may vary. 

You: I think my house is haunted. How do I ask a ghost out on a date?

YAFI: Take advantage of the supernatural condition of your house and set up some romantic entrapments, like you’re asking someone to prom in the surprisingly successful 2006 movie “Monster House.” 

Scrawl a flirty (but spooky) message on the mirror in the blood of the changeling you just slayed. Wait for her while watching from behind a picture frame with the eyeholes cut out. Her phone call will come from within your house, and the caller ID will be “Unknown.” But don’t worry — it’s her! Still check on the children, though.

Her call will likely just consist of heavy, rattling breaths, so be on the lookout for other responses to your ghoulish gesture — candles lighting themselves, for instance, or a trap door opening to a renovated torture chamber now filled with rose petals and an in-progress flash mob by the locals (bats, goblins, etc.). 

And now, with consent, you have yourself a “boo.” We’ll see ourselves out.

You: Does a Halloweener wanting to have a modest costume have any hope?

YAFI: Come All Hallows’ Eve, Franklin Street turns into a Victoria’s Secret runway, but some people, whether they’re motivated by cold, modesty or the Amish way, want nothing more than to be as covered up as the UNC academic scandal.

 If you fall into this demographic, fear not. Buckle your seatbelts and hang onto your tankinis for these wildly sensible suggestions.

Online costume kits can fit the bill with just a bit of modification. Order three sexy police officer outfits and just stitch the pairs of short-shorts together into some fashionable capris.

Or, if you’d like to forgo the played-out “sexy nurse” for a more realistic one, just don a pair of scrubs and extinguish the life from your eyes. 

Group costumes open a whole new avenue. Every skanky Cleopatra needs a fully wrapped mummy, and for each trashy Daphne, Fred and Velma, there’s an appropriately covered Scooby. Go all out with a theme-park style mascot suit. Better yet, shroud yourself in cardboard as the Mystery Machine.

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