Remember to Mind Your Manners

Last week I began this column and accidentally left my disk in an Undergrad computer. When I returned, I could only conclude that my disk had sprouted legs and run away.

But I'd slathered my name and phone number on the sticky tab in a billboard-sized font, and I was sure someone would return my intellectual property.

Yet, I still have no disk.

Among other things, I decided to put socializing in neutral and immerse myself in that place with a lot of books called Davis Library.

Last Thursday evening I was diligently devoting myself to studying when this chatterbox sat down nearby and began a lengthy dissertation on her social life.

In all honesty, if you were like me and in the library on Thursday, you probably didn't have much of a social life to be talking about, anyway.

Several nights later it was the same thing again. You'd think common sense would be a given in this town; however, it's more like a Visa commercial: priceless if you can find it anywhere.

So let's begin with library etiquette. You do not need a loud mouth, a bullhorn or subwoofer to blend in. If you take a look around, you'll notice it's not a bar or Lenoir Dining Hall; it's a place to - oh my God - study. So if you need to talk about yourself for an hour, please avoid the library.

By the same token, people studying in Lenoir have no right to be aggravated; there's a proper place for everything.

Next up: the cell phone. It's OK to take a call every once in a while, if you can be quiet about it. I'm certainly guilty of the occasional ring, but if you look like you're auditioning for a 1-800-COLLECT commercial, then there's a problem. And despite popular belief, "coolness" is not measured by how long you can hold your phone to your ear. Cell phones have been around for about a decade, and I think most of us have one.

Besides cell phones being the newest fad in earrings, it seems that our cars have sped us into an ultimate race for rudeness.

My favorite people are the ones who plaster their social and political agendas all over the ass of their car in the form of bumper stickers. It always seems like the owners of bumper stickers I disagree with are the ones who slam on brakes and never use a turn signal. But it's the "tease" turn signal that really gets me. It's like, "I'm too cool to fully signal, so instead I'll just tease you and let you question whether you need glasses."

Regardless of what people think about this mini-metropolis, it is an obstacle course. We don't need impatient drivers, but this chaotic environment fosters it. The day that I don't have to play horizontal limbo between a series of orange-and-white barrels will be joyous.

But on the same token, drivers don't need to be toyed with. By who, you ask? By those power-wielding, panic-inducing pedestrians, of course.

Most pedestrians are either courteous or fearful of death, but there are always a few out to provoke me. So I'd like to help them be mindful of their manners.

Those white lines, painted about every 10 inches in the street, well, you walk in them. They are called crosswalks. Unless you want to risk your life and my sanity, please don't continue to jump in front of my car like rabid jackrabbits.

But what really makes no sense is that the University graffitied roadways with crosswalks just about everywhere there isn't a bus stop. Apparently, the word "planning" is not in its working vocabulary. With the tragic accidents of recent years, drivers deserved to be punished, but now pedestrians have a runaway ticket to confidently fling themselves into the road while drivers get the joy of slamming on brakes and being choked by their seat belts.

What is most troubling is the undeniable increase in functional illiteracy. All over town there are these bright signs that no one reads. They say "don't walk," and would you believe it, translated in the English language that means, "don't walk."

Why is it so hard to be courteous? Are we simply too self-centered?

Or does it just not matter because it can't be given some screwy politically correct term? Does anyone remember Robert, the friendly U-bus driver who used to be a mentor like Chef is on South Park, saying, "Good morning to all the ladies and gentlemen on the bus"?

You freshman probably don't remember because it only took one schmuck to force the town to prevent the kindness of one individual who was a benefit to my daily U-bus ride.

And what's happened? We've forgotten how to be ladies and gentlemen.

You know, you can be a courteous person without tangling your hair or your social and political views.

So let's all see if we can't be ladies and gentlemen, hmmmkay?

Anne Marie Teague is a senior business administration major from Lumberton. E-mail her with suggestions on driving and how to spray her two-gallon Super Soaker at unruly pedestrians at teague@email.unc.edu.