The Daily Tar Heel
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Thursday, Dec. 7, 2023 Newsletters Latest print issue

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The Daily Tar Heel

Conniving Caroline Sucks The Interest Out of College

No, my dear friends, the burning deep inside is actually one of intense hatred and rage, contempt and loathing. After being shut out for the umpteenth and final time from every single class that I had ever even slightly considered enrolling in out of genuine interest in the topic, I now have a mission.

I am going to hunt down this so-called "Caroline," throw her down a flight of stairs, set fire to her hair and plant my foot so far up her "request-denying" ass that she'll be spitting out toe jam.

Registration is a complete joke, and although I have no suggestions on how to improve the process, I don't believe that should stop me from berating the people responsible for the utterly wretched current state of affairs.

To those responsible for setting up the current registration system, I say, "You suck!" Who decided that everyone should register on the same day?

Didn't they stop for a second to think about whether that was going to be logistically possible? Even the Carolina Athletic Association can come up with better ways to fairly and equitably address student needs. And they're a bunch of Communists!

Certainly, there are students who are happy with the process, the ones who smiled at me on Monday asking, "How did your registration go? Mine was so easy. I got into `Intro to Sleeping' and my `History of Pez Dispensers: From Popeye to Pickachu,' and I have no classes before one and no class on Fridays, Wednesdays,

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