Kelli, I know the critics aren't going to agree with me using The Daily Tar Heel to address 0.7 percent of this campus, so I've got to slam them before they stop reading this column.
Carolina Review: What were you thinking in that October 2000 issue? My boy told me in November that the Carolina Review had some words for me. As only about 100 people on this campus read the publication, I couldn't find a copy until early December.
I have a suggestion for publisher Nathan Byerly: Write a feature on me and the "pointless, barely legible columns" that I wrote this semester.
The interest generated by my name would increase your total readership to 501: 300 conservatives plus 200 people who picked up the thing by mistake plus Craig Warner.
Warner: Don't ever show your face in any Afro-American studies class. Things might get ugly.
Byerly: This is the most publicity you'll get for a while -- maybe ever.
I send my apologies to all of my loved ones. I am guilty of not sharing my time.
Larry "Lucky" Williams, you will always remain in my heart and in my thoughts. May you rest in peace.
Shaun "Sweets" Cave: I appreciate you going out of your way to help me the other night. If you need anything, I got you. (Hi Maleshia.) Rod Vinson: I can hear you laughing right now. Will the 112 duo ever beat me in NBA Live?
Walter Thompson is the superstar of preowned cars. What's it like living with Joe Washington? Don't let me find dancinghamsters.com on my toolbar again. Boogying rodents are annoying.
David Moore, What do you waownt? Hey Methvin. Brad Matthews, I never thought you would become student body president.
Erica Myers: Go to class this Monday, I need those notes. Make sure I stay awake. Tiffani Redmond: I'm looking for you, too. Kaleah, don't let me be late to class again!
The Science and Math Crew is here: Rodney, C.J., Darrell and Aryano Bush. I see you, Rodney, in the white BMW!
Kelly Williams, keep reppin' Jersey! Tell Sylvia I said hi. What's up, Latoya Brown? Chavala Harris, you better not be studying right now! Demetrice Smith, I see you in the Black Ink.
D.C., how you gonna carry it? What's up, what's up? With Nicole Watson, Jai, Camille Holt, Joey Elseroad, Jon Ward, Colleen Samuel, Richard Montgomery, Paint Branch, DeMatha and David Bowie, D.C. is deep.
Washingtonians can check me out in White Oak, Briggs Chaney, Largo, Montgomery Mall, P.G. Plaza, Wheaton, Uptown, The Ritz, DC Live, 2K9, The Black Hole or The Met.
Talayah Jackson and Erica Lee should be enjoying themselves in the nation's capital.
One hour to the north on I-95, I got my Randallstown Mob: Kim Taylor, Tiffany and Dyana screamin' out "B-More son." (Hey Tasha!)
Courtney Poole: Keep doing your thing with the DTH. Drop the whole Iceberg issue. (You know what I meant.) Matt Dees is DA MAN.
Hi Leigh Norwood and Arriva. What's the deal, Jessica McNair?
Reggie Gore and Jau'Ron need to stay ballin'.
Thanks to Wes Hodgin, Sarah Smith, Erica Hanami, Natalie Spann, Ursula Dimmling, Matthew Ashburn and John Grishin.
Professor Warner, stay cool like Miles Davis. Turchi, your Economics 10 is the reason that I am a business major. C.J., I loved your Business Administration 71. Travis Day, Gary Armstrong, Doug Elvers, Eitan Goldman, Charlie Mitchell and Heidi Schultz -- please have mercy on me with those grades!
Greetings to the whole National Pan Hellenic Council, especially the Lovely Ladies of the Theta Pi Chapter of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. Special greetings to the Mighty Mu Zeta Chapter of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc. Congratulations to Fall 2000!
My Ace, Ralph the Invisible Man: You're black. I said you're black. Deuce, Matt Shaw, is the bilingual Law and Order: "Y tu lo sabes." Carmund, Isoceles. I hope you haven't fallen asleep by now. Larry (Laawwry) -- Omnious. C.B. in the house. Emeka Asika, Ft. Knox. How you do it? It must be Magic. Give us us free. Mr. Hankey the ...
The guy from Harmonyx, the black fencer, the tutor is Bionic 6. Rob Jones: Isn't 11 dudes dressed alike buying Parrot Ices in Exxon at 3 a.m. hot? Could you be more discreet?
T.C., you're Too Cool, Too Classy and the new one, Too Cold. Thanks.
Machonn, they're not ready! Chill Factor, Greg McElveen is on Cloud 9. Now you see him; now you don't. To The Last DIsCiplE: I know the task was grueling watching my back plus nine others.
For the prophytes, I must start with Dean, LaVar Smith. Thank You. Dang it. We win.
Assistant Dean Chris Durham says it's going to be a gala event.
Chapter President Lamar Oc-Oc-Oc-Oc -TAVIOUS Mack is already a Doctor. Jacobe is half-white, half-black and runs track. They say he's got that good hair too! Brad, watch your Deuce. Bloody B Barry Brinkley will choke anybody without warning.
Hey, isn't that the guy from "Road Rules"? It's the Sentinel, Shawn Seeeeeaallly! Charles, I ask you again: What is "The Matrix"?
Drew, hold it down for the Perfect 10s of this world. Brother Malcolm, you're crazy! Use real waffle mix the next time you want breakfast. Riddick and Franky got the Ace-Rock connection. Ali, step into my office for some Madden. What's up, Cedric?
CLOSE THE DEAL!
Kofi Bofah, no. 10 the X-Ecutive, is still reppin' Silver Spring, Md. He is sorry if he forgot anybody. Reach him at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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