Not Your Ordinary Ann Landers

If you hate them, you dread that pause in between your bumbling approach and their scathing, "Who are you and why are you on my cloud?"

I, on the other hand, am of the second kind: I appreciate meeting people and learning their names so when I see them around campus, I can call them by name and make my friends think I'm popular.

So to begin my blindingly brilliant, somewhat lengthy introduction: my name is Adam Shupe, and I'm going to be premiering F1, an advice column on the DTH Online's Community section.

I'm a freshman this year, majoring in indecision and minoring in procrastination.

I hail originally from California, but I've lived in North Carolina long enough for my education not to cost a fortune. And I'm happy to have the DTH's first online-only column.

I'm sure you all have seen your basic advice column before. You know, where lonely housewives, overworked employees and hormone-crazed teenagers all send in their worst problems to some old lady who still remembers when horsepower actually meant how many horses pulled your carriage.

Sure she's been through a lot, but how does she know what it's like for us? Who better to advise a bunch of college students than a college student?

I'm offering real advice, free of charge. So even if you do nothing that I tell you to, at least you can have someone listen to your problems without charging you $100 per hour to sit on my couch. Unless you want to, that is.

And, of course, on any college campus, I expect to receive all those essential questions like "How do I get a date with a basketball player?" or "Where can I get a fake ID?" or "Dude, where's my car?"

Realize that I'm not going to be able to tell you exactly what to do, like that Bahamian lady with the Tarot cards and the fake accent.

But I promise I won't leave you high and dry, with some cryptic response like, "You need to find your inner self and match it with your chi, with a dash of yin and yang."

And don't worry about not getting an answer.

I will respond to each request for advice you send. Even the "Dude, where's my car?" one. In fact, those questions will most likely be the most fun to answer, so don't be surprised if your "How do I get a date with Brendan Haywood?" question shows up on the column.

But of course I value your privacy, and if you don't want your question posted on the site, just say so.

Or we can change the names to protect the innocent or guilty, whichever the case may be. I'd love to hear from Hopeless in Hinton James and Jilted in Joyner.

Now you might ask, "How is a freshman with no major going to advise me when he hasn't had much experience here in Blue Heaven?"

Well, that's a good question.

Like many of you, I have yet to figure out what I want to get out of my time here.

But I do know I want to make the best of it. And I'm going to make it my mission to help you all do the same.

I may not have much experience living the college life, but I'm learning, just as you all are. And if you need an ear to bend on this long, hard road of ours, then mine will be there.

Granted, it will be a few clicks away, but what a small price to pay.

Adam Shupe is a freshman from Edenton. Send tales of woe, heartache and confusion to him at adam-shupe@excite.com. His column, F1, will continue exclusively online at www.dailytarheel.com/community.