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The Daily Tar Heel

Accept a Continuum of Sexuality

I have the answer to this question. It's both. I know this because my own life history tells me so. The personal is political.

I grew up as the good daughter. When I got to be a teenager, I started dating boys. I liked it and dated a fair amount of them. I followed the rules.

Before college, I had thought that homosexuality must be innate because being anything but heterosexual was so strongly socially stigmatized. "Who would choose a life of such persecution and depression?" I wondered. Later I learned otherwise.

In my first year of college, a very important relationship in my life ended. I had really loved this guy. I was crushed when we broke up and did not have the energy or the heart to date anyone else for over a year.

During this time, I started becoming active on campus. I learned about the progressive issues I later devoted this weekly column to. I took my first women's studies course and loved it.

My ideas about the world were changing. I saw many problems I had never considered before and understood that I, being the "good girl" I was taught to be, was acting way too compliant in these destructive systems. I began changing my life, the places I shopped, foods I ate and the way I spent my time -- and speaking out against political hypocrisy, environmental destruction and sexism.

I took courses that reflected my new interests. In one class, I read Adrienne Rich's "Compulsory Heterosexuality." In her article I learned about the powerful social forces that maintain the institution of heterosexuality -- something we are taught is normal and natural. Rich describes a "lesbian continuum" along which all women travel, be they in mother/daughter relationships, close friendships or sexual relationships. Rich's theory resonated with me, but I thought to myself, "Sure, there's a lesbian continuum, but I'm way on the heterosexual end!"

I read and learned other theories as well. One proposes that sexuality falls along a continuum through which people can move fluidly throughout their lives. Another suggests that all humans are innately bisexual but that most people deny the socially deviant part of their identity in favor of the socially acceptable part.

I tend to believe a combination of these theories: that we all fall on a continuum of bisexuality, where only those who are definitively toward the queer side reject the heterosexual norm. This is because they have grown up with a strong voice in the back of their heads saying, "This is not me. I am not like these other people." The vast majority are in the center of the continuum, which is shaped like a normal curve, but these people get sucked over to the straight side by societal norms.

When I took Political Science 73, "The Politics of Sexuality," my life was changed even more.

The class confirmed theories of fluid sexuality that I had been developing, but more importantly, I understood that being queer is a completely normal and even celebrated thing. In this class and in my personal life I saw that this so-called lifestyle was not terrible at all. It was something wonderful that brought freedom and joy to many people.

After taking Political Science 73, I decided I was bisexual. I grew excited at the thought of having a fling with a woman, thinking that after I had this fling, I would get back to "real" dating with men.

Then, I met Sarah. I couldn't deny that I had a huge crush on her. We eventually got together, and we still are. It is the most healthy relationship I have ever been in, and we plan on staying together for a long time.

What does this mean about my sexuality? I have no idea. I have stopped trying to categorize myself. Right now, I am happy to love women. I do not identify as a lesbian, yet I certainly do not identify as straight.

My sexuality was definitely innate, but I would never have uncovered and chosen to express it if I had not -- through a difficult process -- unlearned many beliefs I'd previously held. In talking to other women, I know that my experience is not unique.

This gives evidence to the theory that women, at least, are bisexual, existing and sliding along a continuum throughout the changing course of their lives.

In the end, this question of choice in sexuality is problematic. It implies that in order for us to accept any sexuality, it has to be completely unchangeable, instead of accepting all sexualities as inherently valuable, no matter what their natures are.

Because of my experience, I know the power of social conditioning.

I've learned to accept people's sexualities only when they have truly thought about them, when they have opened themselves up to all options, choosing what suits them best. When heterosexuals who have never questioned themselves intently defend their sexuality, I have difficulty believing them. But when a person has truthfully struggled to understand her sexuality and made a responsible, informed choice, I am more apt to believe her.

I hope you all have questioned your sexualities lately.

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Linda Chupkowski is a psychology and women's studies major from Fayetteville. Reach her at lichup@email.unc.edu.

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