Film Follows Formulaic Sex-War Conventions

Someone Like You

Two 1/2 Stars

Men are cows.

According to the latest gal flick "Someone Like You," we are not the predecessors of animals that oink or bark, but instead comparable to the same lazy slabs of beef that mainly graze and sleep in their own feces.

Luckily, the movie did not moo-tivate me to yell back at the screen to defend all masculine beings of the universe, but it did stop short of what could have been an adequately original yarn of the differences between the two sexes.

Jane Goodall, which was wisely referred to within the movie as a funny name for a woman to have, is a successful gal having second thoughts about love. After being spurned for the umpteenth time by the guy she pegged as Mr. Right, she develops a conspiracy theory deemed worthy for women everywhere.

Once a man and a women date, the woman is seen as the new cow, the theory goes. Months pass, the sex gets stale, and all men veer off their path for wedding bliss because they constantly seek to sow their wild oats with the next new cow.

His old woman is now the old cow and can do nothing to become new to him again -- not even go on Oprah and complain.

I thought to myself, "Self, this movie might have something new and groundbreaking to tell me." Ashley Judd, unlike other actresses of her generation, does have a natural style to her acting that wins over any viewer quite easily. She is sexy and has that down-to-earth quality that makes guys like me want to marry her.

The biggest surprise, besides the fact that Marisa Tomei is in the movie and still acting, is that Hugh Jackman (Wolverine of "X-Men") nails the role as the slimy but sweet typical alpha-male. Give him his own movie.

Where the movie falters, as do many romantic comedies that grace the screens these days, is that everyone knows that the woman will go running back to the man. She will probably cry a lot and smear her mascara. She will undoubtedly have a loud best friend who complains about her love life but secretly is jealous. These rules are practically written like a Mad-Lib for directors. Be original. Have the woman run off with a circus clown or become a monk.

"Someone" was originally titled "Animal Husbandry," which would have understandably scared off everyone with its inkling of bestial nature, but been truer to the film than its now bland title.

What the movie really needed was a little shot of umph in the right places to make it a tasty morsel of cinematic bliss for either sex.

Or a little steak sauce. Moo.

The Arts & Entertainment Editor can be reached at artsdesk@unc.edu.