`Rules' of Same-Sex Relationships

You're strolling down Franklin Street, sun on your face. A smile cracks as you glance over at him. The grin, the laughs -- he has made your day far brighter than the sun ever could. Your hand stops in midair before grasping his fingers.

Rule #1: Even slight public displays of affection are forbidden.

Excitedly, you yearn to simply talk about him aloud. Who at work will shun you after the word boyfriend timidly makes its way across your lips? Which friends and acquaintances will simply be no more?

Rule #2: Acknowledging your love interest is always risky. It can cost jobs. It could kill friendships.

Calling Mom about your new boyfriend isn't an option. Naturally, you feel inclined to talk to her about all things that make him quirky. And you know that the day will soon come when you have to reveal this side of your life.

You want to introduce him to both parents. You're dying for them to see how happy you are.

Rule #3: Telling your family about the relationship could cut them out of your life for quite some time. They might handle it well. They might never come around. It won't be easy.

You've been seeing him for over a year now. You live together. Everything is shared and compromise means so much. You wanted a cat. He wanted a dog. You ended up with both -- just as long as the dog sleeps outside at night.

Ready to take that next step, you pop the question. You're breathless as you wait for the all important "yes" to escape his lips. But it really doesn't matter if he accepts or not. You can never have the same legal recognition that's so easily granted to breeders. Nor can you have the benefits that come along with that state document.

Rule #4: In America, you must learn to accept discrimination. Get used to the shunning now. Try to ignore the strangers as they scream "faggot" your way. Accept that your government is just as insulting as any ignorant individual spitting curses at you.

As a homosexual, there are many rules you have to deal with.

But you know what? Fuck that. Fuck the rules.

Am I angry?

You'd better believe it.

Whose rules are these anyway? They're certainly not mine. And they don't have to be yours.

Everyone reading this column should be angry. These aren't gay issues that don't concern you because of your breeder status.

How can you rest easily knowing that your government denies a segment of the population so many rights that "normal" individuals enjoy?

How can you sit back and not voice concern over the social ills aimed at the homosexual?

As a heterosexual, would you ever have to think twice about holding your lover's hand in public? Or worse, could holding your lover's hand in public actually jeopardize your safety?

Sure, as a breeder, you might not have to worry about these things directly. But what happens when one of your friends suddenly comes out? Or how about a cousin? Or what if your own child one day reveals that he or she is gay?

Will you care then?

Yes, you should be angry. And every homosexual reading this should be even angrier. Never doubt that the anger is well justified.

Is there an easy answer to this complex predicament? Well, no. But it all starts with small things.

Take me for instance.

While walking down Franklin Street, I will hold my lover's hand if I so choose. The small act will inspire discomfort and might even be a little unsafe. But I can live no other way. I'd rather die than succumb to the social rules aimed against me.

Do you have to follow my example? Of course not. I am a gay man, but never have I claimed to represent gays everywhere. If I choose to be sexually provocative, that doesn't mean that all gays are sex-obsessed.

Hell, it doesn't even mean that I am. Yet by choosing to talk about sex -- gay sex for that matter -- I'm suddenly labeled a pervert by society.

I'm willing to be blunt. I'm willing to say exactly what's on my mind. And I'm willing to take the chances of being misunderstood as a result.

But that doesn't mean that you have to do the same. There are many paths to take in erasing society's homophobic attitude. First and foremost, however, you must be comfortable in your skin. You don't have to wave a rainbow flag, yet you must be proud of what you are.

Don't let society decide what is right for you. Live your own truth.

Traditional attitudes won't change overnight. But you can change how you react to those attitudes right now.

And that's the first step.

Cameron Mitchell is a junior journalism and mass communication major from Burnsville. Reach him with any questions, comments or suggestions at mitchel6@email.unc.edu.