We're Not Amused
Someone placed a fake notice in the Campus Calendar about a gay pride march. We should have been suspicious when he told us his name was "Hugh Jass."
Grandma, No!
Chapel Hill police arrested a 50-year-old woman with 20 rocks of crack cocaine in her navel. We don't even want to know where she was keeping her Centrum Silver.
Apocalypse Now
UNC upset Florida State last Saturday, 41-9. In a related story, John Bunting's soul is now sitting on a shelf in Satan's office.
Tar Heel Quotables
"I don't think (the dining hall) is a dangerous place."
DPS Capt. Mark McIntyre
About a spate of recent arrests of Carolina Dining Services employees. He's obviously never had the burritos.
"It was not a proper way to show school spirit."
Student Attorney General Brad Newcomb
On the destruction of the goalpost after Saturday's game. Next time, stay in your seats and nibble your Brie.
"It's a raise in level for us."
ECU Vice Chancellor Chuck Hawkins
On the increase in funding ECU received from the state. The school is now on a level with Hooters and Dick's Last Resort.
