The Relativity Of Reality: The New TV Shows

It's starting to feel like fall. This past week, the changing season rolled into Chapel Hill and brought with it chilly evenings, layered clothing and, finally, the new television lineup.

It's about time we started focusing on the important questions: Is Rachel pregnant? Why is "Dawson's Creek" filming at Duke? (They have neither a creek nor a nightlife.)

The summer reruns were becoming routine. "Friends" started to look like a sick group of seventh-year seniors -- platonic friends coupling off for lack of something better to do.

The fight formula started to wear thin: Dharma and Greg fight and make up, Will and Grace fight and make up, Carrie and Aidan fight and make up. You got the picture but still watched. Why? For lack of something better to do.

It feels good to get back into the mundane idiosyncrasies of college life. Namely, the regularly scheduled plopping in front of the television and coming up with excuses to stay there:

Studying -- if I highlight stuff for the next few hours, that'll count.

Getting in that daily workout -- 20 sit-ups in front of "SportsCenter" is the same thing.

Dating -- Why go out when I can look stupid doing this?

Sure enough, the new fall shows will create a few laughs, plus a new trend or two. Considering that last year's trend was reality television, hopefully this year's trend will be axing reality television. The appeal for real-life situations has lost its luster, considering the past three weeks have been all too real. We've been transfixed by a different type of show. It's called the evening news.

Lately, the telly has been our connection to "America's New War," as CNN refers to it. We now get regular doses of authenticity from Peter Jennings instead of a handful of naked people running around an island. Reality television will prove what an insipid mockery it is if these shows stay on the air following the tragedies in New York, Washington, D.C., and Pennsylvania.

Tuning out the contrived "reality" shows will leave some in a bind. But if we check out the new fall lineup in Chapel Hill, it'll be like reality television never left:

"Lost" -- Three pairs of freshmen will be dumped in the middle of Venable Hall, blindfolded. The team that makes it out in less than a week will receive a Bunsen burner.

"Temptation Island" -- Beautiful couples with relationship problems (is there any other kind?) will spend a night at Players, free drinks provided. We'll see who goes home with whom.

"Runner" -- UNC's take on the new Damon/Affleck show will follow Ronald Curry, Anne Morrell and some random freshman from Tobaccoville, N.C., across campus to see who can make it the furthest without being recognized. My money's on Curry.

"Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire" -- We'll dress our finest Carolina girls up and ship them to a med school mixer at Dook. Because guys should be included, we'll chop off their mullets, remove their flip-flops and send them to the University of New Jersey at Durham as well.

"Big Brother" -- We'll shut 10 people off from the rest of the world and give them nothing to do. We'll monitor how they fare through exams, backstabbing, ruthless power moves, trash talking and boredom -- and we'll call it Hamilton 100.

"The Mole" -- Chris Duhon will start for the Heels. Things will get suspicious when our team appears to have an offense. The first player to notice who the mole is will get a chance to leave the bench and play for 3.42 minutes.

"Celebrity Adventure" -- Julius Peppers will be taken out of his comfort zone and forced to test his limits in a far-off place: the classroom. Can he make the cut?

"Fear Factor" -- Ready to have the bejeezus scared out of you? Make fun of Julius Peppers in a column and see if you survive the next 24 hours.

"Making the Band" -- Tryouts will be held in the Great Hall on Oct. 31st. Any interested party should be able to lip-sync, gyrate and make 13-year-olds shriek at the top of their lungs. This ain't no Destiny's Child.

"The Real World" -- Seven people, picked to live in Hinton James and have their lives taped, find out what happens when people stop being polite and start getting real.

Rachel Hockfield was a finalist on "Who Wants to be a Princess," but lost on the question "What is your natural hair color?" Frog princes can reach her at rachel@email.unc.edu.