The Daily Tar Heel
Printing news. Raising hell. Since 1893.
Sunday, April 21, 2024 Newsletters Latest print issue

We keep you informed.

Help us keep going. Donate Today.
The Daily Tar Heel

Placing Blame: CIA, History Or Frat Boys?

The world has grown up since spandex pants and fake dreadlocks captivated the nation. But the message still rings true -- everyone's got to blame someone or something for their own misfortunes. Osama bin Laden, well, he blames the United States, Israel and the world's Jewish population. The United States, well, it blames Osama bin Laden. But I associate blame for the world's precarious situation with an entirely different entity.

The "Skull and Bones" may not like me for this, but I think we're still at the mercy of the blue-blooded network of the world. My thesis is simple. It is not a conspiracy theory, just a collection of facts. Do with them what you will.

Great Britain and the Partition of Palestine

Great Britain, the original locus of our blue-blooded culprits, is the quintessential definition of Western aristocracy and pure blood lines.

Palestine was formerly under the control of the British after it defeated the Ottoman empire in 1917. After 30 years of broken promises to both the Jews and the Arabs in Palestine, Britain handed Palestine over to the United Nations.

The fate of Palestine was decided by a partition plan designed by the United Nations. The Jews in Palestine agreed to the plan's terms, while the Arabs rejected it. Within one year, the new Jewish state was invaded. After 19 months of fighting, the hostilities between the two ended, resulting in the formation of Israel and the displacement of nearly 800,000 Palestinians. The Palestine problem is not simply a matter of age-old religious hatred. It is another futile attempt at smoothly dismantling the British Empire and an example of unsuccessful nation building.

The Decline of the Central Intelligence Agency

This section is going to send out somewhat of a mixed message. In some respects, I loathe what the CIA is responsible for during the past 50 years.

But, as some argue, its structural changes led to insufficient intelligence regarding worldwide terrorist networks.

When the CIA ceased heavy recruiting of Ivy League intellectuals after the Vietnam War, a monolithic and inefficient bureaucracy ballooned. This change resulted in a poorly led and inadequately equipped organization.

The CIA now finds itself working overtime to make up for "the lost years" in between the Vietnam War and Sept. 11. We have to look at who made up the CIA when it was in its glory days -- Harvard, Princeton and Yale grads, all true blue. Two Yale alums, former U.S. President George Bush, class of '48, and R. James Woolsey, class of '68, have headed the CIA.

Robin Winks, a Yale history professor, reports in his book "Cloak and Gown: Scholars in America's Secret War," that during the 1940s and 1950s, Yale professors and sports coaches, who doubled as CIA liaisons, recruited Yale's best and brightest. One example was Yale crew coach Skip Walz. Winks says Walz received $10,000 yearly from the CIA to recruit team members to the service.

Its past decisions may have been questioned but when the blue bloods ran the CIA, there was no lapse similar to what has recently occurred. (Or at least we weren't aware of them.)

Frat Boys: The Final Frontier

No article blaming blue blood America would be complete without placing some degree of blame on frat boys (and their evil twins, sorority girls). Here's my line of reasoning. Many Americans drive SUVs. And a disproportionate number of over-privileged, blue-blooded frat boys drive gas-guzzling beasts. Now we've established that.

We also know that SUVs require more gas than any other automobile on the road. Where do we get gas from?

That's right you guessed it -- Saudi Arabia and Iraq, among other nations that "support" terrorism. So, using this line of reasoning, we can say the gas-hogging habits of frat boys are actually helping to fund the war against the United States. Maybe the United States will use this opportunity to re-evaluate its national energy policy and stop lining the pockets of our enemies.

Bottom line. I actually don't care who's to blame. Osama bin Laden and the Taliban deserve the worst hellfire that these blue blooded Protestants can give them.

So I don't care if the Skull and Bones rules the world, so long as it rids the world of these misguided nihilists.

Josh Baylin can be reached at

To get the day's news and headlines in your inbox each morning, sign up for our email newsletters.

Special Print Edition
The Daily Tar Heel's Collaborative Mental Health Edition