There is little to distract us from this mindless void. Nothing is happening on campus. The bombing in Kabul is monotonous, and no one has died of anthrax inhalation in the past three days. No student wants to think about waking up Saturday morning at 6 a.m. for line check. Heck, we don't even have a football thrashing this weekend.
There's only one thing to do during this languid time between Fall Break and Halloween, filled with dwindling midterms and not much else -- figure out what in hell you're going to be next Wednesday night.
As always, there will be new and out-there costumes strutting down the blocks of Franklin Street, the results of weeks of work and construction. For those who don't have time to construct the costume of their dreams, there's always the tried and true outfits of years past. Here's a synopsis of who will be wearing what:
Costume: The UNC Spirit Crew
Who: Any diehard UNC fan
Making all Carolina fans proud, these people parade down Franklin Street dressed as the P2P or the Old Well. When there's not enough time to make a bus or a fountain, blueblooded revelers can opt for a Jordan jersey.
While not officially condoned, a small contingent of this group favors the "UNC or Die" costume. These costumes include a lynched Coach K., a drunken and bloodied N.C. State farmer and a defrocked Demon Deacon.
Costume: The What-Every-Other-Girl-Will-Be-This-Year, Version 2001
Who: Female groups of four
It's the updated version of "the costume to be" for hordes of women -- the ladies of Moulin Rouge. They sing, they dance, they wear kinky clothing guaranteed to bring in 10 to 20 ass grabs a night. Sound scarily familiar? It's been done every other year. Last year it was leather-clad Coyote Ugly chicks, two years ago saw Britney Spears pigtails and plaid and 1998 was the dreaded year of Baby, Sporty, Posh, Scary and Ginger.
Costume: The French Maid
Always a favorite with UNC newcomers is the classic Party City off-the-shoulder black dress with white lace fringe (duster optional). Not to fret, freshmen, you've got three more years to come up with something better! Beware ladies -- the costume won't protect you from the cold elements or the bad pick-up line, "You want to bring your duster over here? I've been pretty dirty."
Costume: "Halloween is My Only Chance at Action All Year Long"
Who: Lonely freaks
When grabbing a date seems impossible every other night of the year, there's one night when play is guaranteed. Anyone dressed as a kissing booth, a gynecologist and a "chick magnet" will see some loving on Oct. 31. It's not that the costumes are adorable, it's that the females tend to be a bit inebriated.
Costume: "2 out of 3 have .00 BAC" homage
Who: Bartender wannabes
When all else fails, these folks are what they drink. Classy alcoholics dress up as Sex on the Beach, the Dirty Girl Scout or the Flaming Dr. Pepper. Real drinkers end up roaming the streets as a keg on ice, asking any passers-by, "Wanna do a keg stand?"
Costume: Group Sex
Who: Six Hinton James residents
What's Halloween without a few goblins, a few witches, a half-naked devil and the big, giant penis? Slowly becoming a UNC tradition, much like the ram, is the six-headed penis. Now I'm venturing a guess that the only people with enough time on their hands and paper-mached chicken-wire to match live somewhere on South Campus.
Rumor has it that if Halloween is as hella fun as the cops are preparing for this year, the administration might nix this post-Fall Break, pre-Halloween downtime we're going through by combining the two holidays. Fall Break 2002 -- Oct. 31 through Nov. 3.
Come on, I'm just kidding. Trick or treat folks!
Rachel Hockfield will be the Neil Fingleton Midget this Halloween. Send her your best ghost stories at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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