First, Learn How To Fail: A Brief Lesson

Would we be left with a class of aimless 3-year-olds, too young to make peepee in the big-boy or big-girl potty yet too cynical to return to a classroom that could teach them how?

All my life I have heard people say, "You can do anything you put your mind to." But I think we all know this is a load of crap.

So, why do we allow this myth to be perpetuated? Because we don't feel inspired by effort alone. In the end we don't feel good unless we win. If Rocky had been knocked out in the second round only to dizzily awake to find Adrian sucking tongue with Apollo Creed, I doubt we would we leave the theater ready to take on the world.

So what makes Rocky so great? He was a poor, regular guy with an impossible goal, but he trained like a champ and overcame adversity with heart -- in other words, the American dream. The equation looks something like this: Big challenge plus lots of reasons you shouldn't make it plus trying like hell plus victory equals Academy Award. I would like to take issue with the last part in our equation: winning.

Our culture finds no value in effort unless it results in triumph. If we aren't winning, we feel as if we have to explain why or we just quit. Very few of us are comfortable with our shortcomings.

Have you ever faced failure and later claimed that you don't care? I think we all do that from time to time. We say things like, "I didn't really have my heart set on being a doctor anyways," or, "I'm not really looking for a girlfriend or a date right now. I've really enjoyed doing my own thing for the past 2 1/2 years or so, and I would rather stay on that track."

Furthermore, if I had a nickel for every time I heard someone at UNC say, "I'm smarter than most those people getting a 4.0 and stuff. I just don't care," I would have a huge bag of nickels.

While I'm sure this is true in a large number of cases, does it really tell us anything?

Most people's talents are inherent, not the result of anything they've done. The talent pool is completely arbitrary, along with most other fate-determining factors in life. What's not arbitrary is our will. In other words, the only thing we actually should feel good or bad about is the effort we put in.

I recently heard a speech to a group of college students that had the central message of "Go out and fail." I don't think I've ever heard better advice.

Now is the time to apply for 12 internships and get no callbacks. It's time to ask that special someone out and have he or she inform you that he or she would like you to leave and that he or she is already processing a restraining order. (I'm not alone in having heard this one a few too many times -- right?)

I was attending church Sunday when the priest told us to raise our hands up when we pray to show reverence to God with our bodies, and I thought, "Do I really have to do this? I would feel like an idiot." (This is coming from a guy who wore no clothing and a pumpkin as underwear for Halloween.)

Almost everything we do is shadowed by a fear of social failure. When we let that fear affect our behavior, however, we miss out on so much depth in life.

Learning to embrace our failures is no small task, but I think we are up to it.

Maybe we could start by rewriting the story about the hard-working Little Engine.

Children might enjoy reading about The Little Engine That Tried Like an S.O.B. Yet Couldn't Quite Make it Up the Hill But We Applaud Him for Giving it All he Had Anyway.

Or maybe I should stop drinking while I write my columns.

Regardless, if you don't learn a thing in our studies of -isms and charts that scholars make up to get their names in a textbook, remember there's nothing bad about failure. In fact, it's the best thing you can do.

If you agree that what's needed to truly motivate the youth of today is more explicit profanity in children's books, e-mail Ben Dickens at bdickens@email.unc.edu. Together we can teach America's youth that life is just too short to give a #$%!