My Uncle Bubba shot off two of his toes while he was out hunting. The resulting three-toed appendage on a 6-foot, 7-inch man was, to a loving eye, reminiscent of Big Bird with occasional athlete's foot.
Speaking of shooting oneself in the foot, the Chapel Hill-Carrboro City School District is on its way toward doing just that with regard to physical education.
The system recently drafted a much-needed policy to expand physical activity in the schools. Ideally, there would be an addition of about 19 new P.E. teachers and an increase in P.E. time for elementary school students to come closer to the state school board's recommendation of 150 minutes of physical activity per week.
But because of the projected costs of the plan, the lofty goal of adding teachers is "sort of a long shot," the district's health director told The Chapel Hill News.
Since when does a price tag have to be an obstacle to physical activity? Kids are famous for their inexhaustible energy and proficiency at all things playful. And class time is notorious for its ability to transform small children into little volcanoes, threatening to erupt at any moment with their molten effervescence.
Yet the obesity epidemic has not spared children from its insatiable jaws. Too many children are going home to play video games and to watch TV while feasting on potato chips and chocolate bars.
Meanwhile, in order for schools to achieve the coveted "exemplary" distinction put forth by the federal No Child Left Behind program, students are required to spend more time passively seated behind a desk in basic training for end-of-grade tests. Recess and physical education often are viewed as dispensable extras. In reality, they are every bit as valuable as the tests for which schools are forced to spend so much time preparing.
The fact of the matter is that kids are steadily getting fatter, and therefore unhealthier, as a result of poor diet and sedentary lifestyles - but through our policies and examples, we are teaching them that physical activity is not worth their time.
The inconsistency sits heavier than Rodin's Thinker. Every day, kids are empirically learning that healthy, active living is more expensive than the alternative. Candy is cheaper than fruit. Movie rentals are cheaper than Rollerblades or bicycles.