If it feels good, it must be wrong — sex included

TO THE EDITOR:

Sex under the influence of anything is rape. The proof is in the pudding: Sex while inebriated on various substances feels better than sober sex.

We all know that anything that feels good is bad for you; therefore, inebriated sex must have some catch. And that “catch” is that the sex you have is now considered rape.

If you’re feeling depressed, and you think sex will make you feel better, don’t let your significant other take advantage of you. Sure you’ll feel better, and sure you’ll actually be physically healthier, but sex cannot legally be enjoyed unless you are in a completely normal mindset.

Additionally, if you aren’t bold enough (while sober) to talk to that cute brown-eyed boy at a party, you are a worthless human being.

Every normal person is this uninhibited all the time; what’s wrong with you? Alcohol is a crutch for the socially weak. And honestly, who isn’t turned on by a guy asking first, “Am I allowed to kiss you?“ Screw romantic risk-taking. We live in a bureaucracy.

A sexy, sober, bureaucracy.


Austin Capobianco
Junior
Chemistry