kvetch: v.1 (Yiddish) to complain
To the girl who is too loud on her phone: Just because Jeremy likes to hear you say his name 20 times in a baby voice doesn’t mean the rest of us do.
A noise complaint at four in the afternoon on a Friday? Really? … Really?
Dawg: The whole hall doesn’t want to listen to “The Real Slim Shady.” Close your door if you’re gonna crank that tired middle-school music so loud.
Dear boy in my ECON class: Please stop being so attractive; you’re keeping me from learning anything. All I can think about is the different ways you can supply my demand.
There are so many cockroaches in my room, I accidentally kill them and realize it afterwards. Yay for on-campus housing!
To Marcus Ginyard blasting “Party in the USA” in your thugged-out Crown Vic: Really?
To the guy in the stall next to me in the Union: Please ask before you borrow any of my toilet paper.
I didn’t realize the first building at UNC was constructed no more than 20 years ago, DTH. This amount of progress must be unprecedented.
To my roommate’s breath: PLEASE stop torturing me.
To my whiny suitemate: At least I have pubes.
EDUC 441 TA: Is your office hours clothing-optional?
Hey DTH: I was going to kvetch about all the pointless tattoo articles you’ve been running recently … until you put a shirtless Marcus Ginyard on the front page.
If the DTH is going to subject us to Marcus Ginyard half-naked, at least make it the other half.
Dear braces: Thanks for making me look like I am still in middle school.
To whoever spray-painted the dark mark on the side of Hamilton Hall: You are my new best friend.
Dear WMST 101 professor: If you want us to use inclusive and politically correct language, please stop referring to Caucasians as “white folk” in your lectures.
To the girl with the Kate Gosselin haircut: Not okay.
To my suitemate who came in wasted, crying, and yelling “Don’t remember me like this!”: How can I not?
To the people of Morrison who put condoms on the doorknobs of almost three floors: It’s nice to know I’m not the only one not getting any action.
To the DTH: Why all the shirtless men? I thought we believed in sexual equality.
Zeller, you were two feet away and you missed throwing your trash away. Dunk it next time, or you’re getting benched.
Dear sorority girls, stop wearing running shorts as a fashion statement.
Send your one-to-two sentence entries to firstname.lastname@example.org, subject line ‘kvetch.’