kvetch: v.1 (Yiddish) to complain
To whoever sent the e-mail to the seniors’ listserv and said N.C. was “2ndth” in the competition for getting new books: Maybe we should donate them to you instead.
Dear football players: Why is it that I see you at almost every party, but at the football games you don’t show up?
UNC: We don’t want a Wendy’s. We gottawannaneedagetahavea Bojangles’!
To the suitemate who always listens to classical music: Your sophistication can get really annoying at 3 a.m.
If you’re a sophomore and still replying to listservs saying, “Take me off this listserv,” your admission to Carolina should be revoked.
Dear guy handing out socialist propaganda in the Pit: Don’t you find it ironic that your papers weren’t free?
Dear automatically flushing toilets at Rams Head: I’m not done yet. No, still not done. Nope, still not — seriously now, stop it.
To the ginger dude that works morning shift at the post office: SMILE. Your life can’t be that bad.
Dear freshman (I hope): That “big square thing” you are talking about is more commonly called the quad. Please use that name from now on.
Dear couple making out at Top of Lenior on Thursday at 12:15 p.m.: The study rooms on the 8th floor of Davis have a more romantic atmosphere.
No, kid next to me that missed what the teacher said because you and your girlfriend were just tickling each other in a lecture hall, I will not let you copy my notes from the past few minutes.
To the cute boy on my hall: Quit undressing me with your eyes. I know you have a girlfriend.
Dear Blackboard: Why are you so needy and force me to close all my browsers JUST to logout? Next, are you going to start sending me e-mails asking me why I haven’t said “I love you” yet?
Guy selling magazines: Lacking extra money to spend doesn’t make me a jerk. If you want to go to Spain that badly, get a real job.
It may be getting chilly outside but 65 degrees does not mean its time to break out the Uggs.
I thought I saw a mouse in the bathroom, but it was just a girl kicking a huge hair clump from out of the shower.
To the two guys on the Robertson bus: 1) Yes, they do speak Greek in Greece, and 2) just because you like Lebanese food does not mean that you are qualified to study abroad.
To the kid picking his nose in the front of the class: We can all see it when you eat them.
Send your one-to-two sentence entries to firstname.lastname@example.org, subject line ‘kvetch.’
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