v.1 (Yiddish) to complain
To the girl wearing a fur coat: Just because it’s below 60 degrees does not mean North Carolina suddenly became a part of Antarctica.
Dear Blackboard: Can I please take a quiz on your site that actually works? … Just once … Please? … Thanks.
Overheard at Morrison bus stop: “I’ll give you $20 to jump in front of the P2P.”
If “your life is over” because you failed an honors chemistry exam, maybe you should stop doing the crossword puzzle now that we’re covering way harder material.
To the guy who argued with me for 20 minutes about the definition of “analogy”: Forest is to trees as you are to
Dear Tyler Zeller: I love you. Every year at Late Night with Roy, you remind me that it’s okay to be a skinny white boy with no dance moves.
To the Lenior managers: Instead of spying on the cereal eaters, pay attention to the brown lettuce on the salad bar.
To the kvetcher hating on sorority girls wearing running shorts: It’s not a fashion
statement, it’s called
exercising. You should try it
Dear UNC maintenance: When you “fixed” the water in Teague, you gave the showers bipolar personalities. Now every time I shower, I wonder whether my shower is in the mood to scald me or turn me into an ice cube.
To the suite next door: Don’t think I won’t throw another
dictionary at the wall to shut you guys up at 3 a.m. on a school night.
Dear traffic school people: You can’t be “excellent” drivers. You wouldn’t be here if you were!
To the guy who walked me home last Friday: Goodbye is NOT code for stick your tongue down my throat.
To the girl who wears a side pony everyday: Newsflash, it’s 2009.
Gojo: Just because your soap foams doesn’t mean it’s an upgrade. Take back your vile smelling soap and bring back the pink slime!
To the guy blasting his iPod in the bathroom stall next to mine: Your toe-tapping
To my professors: Thanks for e-mailing the class and
telling us to have a
relaxing fall break. It would have meant more had you not attached the study guide for our exam Tuesday after break.
Since when did navy become a school color? How about wear Carolina blue on the sideline for a change?
Dear singer/guitar player
outside of Rams Head: Marry me please?
Send your one-to-two sentence entries to email@example.com,
subject line ‘kvetch.’
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