QuickHits for Oct. 29

Personal assistant

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A Georgetown sophomore recently placed a classified for a personal assistant to do daily chores. Listen, buddy, quit being a douche and clean your own room. Also, way to break the private school stereotype …

Irish pub

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The newest bar on Franklin Street will be a bona fide Irish pub. The owner plans on bringing decorations directly from Dublin bars. Rumor is it’ll be so authentic that U2 will be the house band.

Toilets with water

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Officials are in the process of removing all the water-free urinals from campus.  For those of you unfamiliar with how these “work,” just picture a regular urinal that hasn’t been flushed in weeks.

Carolina Inn

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The historic Carolina Inn is set to undergo a renovation of all 184 rooms. Luxury suites, wireless Internet, wet bars, big screen televisions. Sounds like a great plan for the hotel — oh, wait, that’s the football stadium.

Lil Wayne

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Chart-topping rapper Lil Wayne faces jail time after pleading guilty on weapons charges. Obviously he wasn’t arrested by “Mrs. Officer,” who “said I had the right to remain silent; now I got her hollering … like a siren.”

Halloween

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Everyone’s favorite dress-up-suggestively-in-a-costume-you-didn’t-know-could-even-be-sexual-get-drunk-make-a-fool-of-yourself-see-embarrassing-photos holiday is once again upon us! Somehow, it never gets old.