Like a good dog or a psychotic ex-girlfriend, the annual Louie Awards are back! And you thought something minor like no longer working on SportSaturday would stop me. That’s gotta be a joke.
First off, I’d like to give the Kanye West I’ma Let You Finish Award to North Carolina, for crashing what was supposed to be Virginia Tech’s parade. The Hokies were in first place in the ACC Coastal Division (with a resounding win over Georgia Tech) until North Carolina stumbled into Blacksburg and somehow emerged with a victory.
Now — like Taylor Swift at the VMAs — Virginia Tech has to pick up the pieces and deliver the rest of their speech knowing the most interesting part is over.
The John Bunting Award goes to Al Groh and the Virginia Cavaliers. For the second straight year, Groh did enough for the team to save his job, but not quite enough to avoid the season being a disappointment for UVa.’s fans.
The Brett Favre Most Dishonorable Career Move Possible Award goes to Florida State. The Seminoles decided that they deserve 10-win seasons, and thus, Bobby Bowden must go. Bowden is only the coach who brought the Seminoles into national prominence!
And that’s before you get into the logic of promoting Jimbo Fisher just because they gave him a dumb clause in his contract that awards him 5 million if he’s not the head coach after this season.
The Kate Bosworth Most Over-hyped and Simultaneously Underwhelming Star Award goes to Russell Wilson. During media day, Wilson seemed like a lock to carry the Wolfpack at least back to ACC mediocrity, but that still hasn’t happened. While N.C. State does rank in the top half of all offensive stats, I want more from my breakout superstar quarterbacks than a 1-4 conference record.
The Eric Crouch Award for Undeserved Credit goes to Clemson. They are a thoroughly average team, who happened to win just enough games to put themselves in prime position to win the division. I can’t believe it.
The Most Dignified Fight with Cancer Award goes to Mark Herzlich. Between his touching ESPN Gameday feature and his ubiquitous presence around College Hill, he has been an inspiration for all. Get better, Mark.
Contact Louie Horvath at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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