Kvetching board for Jan. 29, 2010

kvetch:

v.1 (Yiddish) to complain

To English majors that complain about having to take two math classes: I’m a chemistry major who needs 15 courses in social science and humanities. Live with it.

Dear annoying whistler in Davis: Are you related to the Arboretum whistler?

To the graduate students in Davis talking loudly about game theory while I am trying to study: My tuition pays you to talk during the recitation you fail to prepare for.

To the girl saved in my phonebook as “drunk kelly:” Who are you!?

To the Lenoir employee at the urinal: Four shakes is enough. Especially when you decide you don’t have time to wash your hands on the way back to work.

Murphey: Why does your staircase always smell like a swimming pool?

Dear Morrison: I don’t need to a see a picture of a three-foot-tall sperm to understand what condoms are used for.

To Rams Head Dining Hall: Thanks for the food poisoning on Sunday. I’ve lost more weight eating with you than I have with my New Year’s resolution.

To the UNC blackboards: Why won’t you erase properly?!

To the girl at the Wake game who was uploading Facebook pictures of her dog from the student section: You are a disgrace to the Tar Heel name.

To the mysterious boy who came to my floor looking for me and asked my roommate where I was: Who are you, what do you want, and why do you know where I live?

To the girl who tricked the professor into typing in and pulling up a porn site in Mormonism class: Pervert.

Dear girl with the long black socks in the Student Union: The State of the Union was great, but I stayed for the Republican response to talk to you.

Kvetcher who commented on Obama’s lack of messiah status: Man, I wish I’d known this BEFORE I’d stopped my ritual animal sacrifices.

Dear mysterious 80-year-old man in my first year seminar: Who ARE you, and why are you here?

Just once I’d like to pick up the DTH and see: ‘Controversial Speaker Coming to Campus, Student Body Open-minded’ as a headline for an article.

Send your one-to-two sentence entries to dthedit@gmail.com, subject line ‘kvetch.’