v.1 (Yiddish) to complain
Dearest Ira Glass: If we got married, we would have cute little journalist babies with glasses. Just saying.
To the girl making out with the water fountain: Haven’t you heard of swine flu?
Hey suitemate: I’m not high maintenance, but your pet orchid is.
Dear guy in the seventh floor bathroom of Davis: Brushing your teeth? Are you serious?
According to the New York Times article, since I’m female, the only person on this campus that I have a chance of doing is myself.
You know it’s windy when you come outside to a rando’s pair of dirty underwear strewn across your windshield.
To the Eminem wannabe in the Union: You might have the look down, but I hate to break it to you that we all know the words to “Lose Yourself.”
To language 105-ers in SASB: Just because it’s not English doesn’t mean we can’t hear you.
Dear puke on Stadium Drive I passed this morning: Oh, how I wish to remember if you are mine…
To the freshman girl in the risers at the Dean Dome who didn’t know who Dean Smith was: I wish Roy had you escorted out for stupidity.
To the butt-naked ginger boy who invaded our all-girls suite at 5:30 a.m. last Friday: What the hell were you on?
Re: Hookup article in The New York Times — no wonder John Edwards moved here. He fits right in.
To the New York Times journalist: Thanks for ruining the only thing some of us had going.
To the girl I danced with last weekend: You change tempo way too many times when you dance.
To the girl in my chemistry class with “think” tattooed above her butt crack: I did, and no thanks.
To my next-door neighbor: I let you borrow my flex pass because of an “emergency in the bathroom” and 20 minutes later I hear you and some girl going at it next door. What the hell happened in that bathroom?
To the UNC maintenance man who jumped away from the large squirrel on the stone wall in the quad: It’s okay, I think we’re all scared of them, too.
Send your one-to-two sentence entries to firstname.lastname@example.org, subject line ‘kvetch.’