The Daily Tar Heel
Printing news. Raising hell. Since 1893.
Thursday, Sept. 28, 2023 Newsletters Latest print issue

We keep you informed.

Help us keep going. Donate Today.
The Daily Tar Heel


v.1 (Yiddish) to complain

It took more time to deliver my sandwich than it did for the Titanic to sink.

To my boyfriend and roommate: Can I not walk into my room without finding you on his back … on my bed?

Dear roommate: If you are going to spend every waking moment in our room

canoodling on the top bunk with your boyfriend, can you at least let me join in every once in a while?

To the guy at the gym yelling “YOU CAN DO THIS!” to himself on the treadmill: Are you this vocal in bed?

Dear Koury elevator: Every time I step into you, I feel I am risking death because Cherie Berry has not approved of you.

To the automatic flushing toilets in Lenoir: I’m not done yet.

I can’t even be mad the girl next to me is blaring “Defying Gravity” in the library because it is the Glee version … Mad respect.

To the girl in the crowded

hallway who ran into the trash can and insisted on turning around and cursing it out: I think we all know who won that fight.

Dear rugby girl: Stop being so damn attractive. I am tired of questioning my sexuality for you.

Dear Pit Stop girl: Stop being so attractive. You’re making me waste all my money.

To the guy who stopped on Stadium Drive to fix his hair in a parked SUV’s back window with a pink hairbrush: Really?!

To the girl on her phone in Davis: When you go under the table, we can all still hear you.

To the girl with the Kim Possible ringtone in the library: You are awesome.

Dear girl in my First Year Seminar: I can’t believe you’ve never seen/heard of Star Wars. We can no longer be friends.

Dear roommate: I did not think that Pandora had bad music. Thank you for proving me wrong.

Yo snow plowers! I’m really happy for you, and I’mma let you finish … No, seriously. Finish plowing the roads.

To the Lenny Kravitz

look-alike: How about you use the skateboard instead of using it as a prop to get groupies …stick to your guitar.

To the builders of Dey Hall: You know a building is poorly constructed when you have to wait in line to get out.

To the kvetcher who watches Lenoir employees: Why do you count how many times someone shakes it at a urinal?

Dear John Grisham: I know you are a renowned and successful author, but in light of recent events, we would like to invite Snooki to be our graduation speaker instead.

Send your one-to-two sentence entries to, subject line ‘kvetch.’

To get the day's news and headlines in your inbox each morning, sign up for our email newsletters.