v.1 (Yiddish) to complain
To the kid in my geography class: Stop watching turtle porn!
To the guy reading “Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life” while drinking a PBR at noon on the seventh floor of Davis: The world will never understand you.
To the couple in the sixth floor Davis study room: That was some pretty naked studying.
To the guy who is passed out in the UL: Your phone is ringing, again. And again. And again.
To the guy in the Union dressed exactly like Waldo: I found you.
Dear out-of-state students: It’s not spring until I say so. Love, North Carolina.
Dear guy trying to pick me up in the library: It probably doesn’t help that you just Googled “How to make a girl fall in love in 30 days.”
Why do anarchists spend so much time in men’s public bathroom stalls?
To the two guys watching “Twilight” together on Saturday night: I saw you.
Dear physics TA: Was it worth the extra five minutes to write your entire announcement on the board in bubble letters?
To the booty call who didn’t respond: Screw you! Or not …
To the guy who ran into a tree: If you drive anything like you walk, the “no texting” laws suddenly make a lot more sense.
To the guy in Craige who stole our Cup Noodles from inside the microwave at 2 a.m. when we left for two minutes: You better watch your back.
To the Lenoir swipe lady: Please refrain from reading that catalog of granny panties when I’m trying to think about breakfast.
Sorry ladies, but fixing your hair in the mirror does not, in fact, count as washing your hands.
To the boy who sleeps on the floor behind the lecture seats in SOCI 273: Resourceful, but still rude.
To the person constantly updating their Facebook status: Maybe you would finish your paper in a timely manner if you didn’t constantly tell me you have just seven more pages every five minutes.
To my chemistry lab partner: I may not have mastered the experimental procedure, but I have learned basic social skills.
To the overly dramatic couple on the sixth floor of HJ: As enraptured as I am in The Days of Your Lives, can you pick days when I don’t have midterms and have time to make popcorn?
To my suitemates: If you want to go balls to the wall, fine. Just make sure it’s not my wall. I have class in the morning.
Send your one-to-two-sentence entries to email@example.com, subject line ‘kvetch.’
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