v.1 (Yiddish) to complain
To the guy sitting next to me in class who got up and moved two seats over when I congratulated you on getting the professor’s question right: Why?
To the guy in HoJo who told us to move our pizza box at 12 a.m. and claimed to be an RA: Stop being a creeper.
To the person who wrote “I LOVE ANAL” on the back of my pollen-covered car in the PR lot: WTF happened to the classic “Wash Me”?
Dear couple who had a
make-out session in front of me during the Beethoven Violin Concerto: This is a London Philharmonic concert at Memorial Hall — not some grade D movie at a deserted movie theater.
Hey business school hand dryer: Want to get freaky?
To the two girls attempting to streak in the quad on Saturday night: Covering yourself up as you run through Polk Place is cheating.
To the guys who stand in their yard shirtless on Church Street every day doing manly things: I hear Tool Academy is now taking applications.
Dear Chapel Hill drivers: When you decide to stop at crosswalks, I will use the crosswalks.
If you put a Wendy’s in the Union, it will actually be
environmentally friendly. I won’t need to drive my SUV all the way to Carrboro to get a Frosty.
To the girl who threw up during our SOCI 101 class: I have to pregame to bear it, too.
To 3 a.m.: We’ve got to stop meeting this way. I’d much rather sleep with you.
To the treadmill in the SRC: I agree that the “Cha Cha Slide” is catchy, but “REVERSE REVERSE!” is NOT an appropriate action for a treadmill.
Dear workout partner: Stop saying things like “I felt you come down and just couldn’t push any more” when I’m bench pressing.
To the basketball players: If only you were as hardcore about the game as you are about Twitter.
To the girl smuggling three stuffed animals in her backpack: You’re either insane or my new best friend.
To the guy who proceeded to wake the dead with his iPhone in the UL: Ever hear of
courtesy? I guess there’s no app for that.
Dear guy waving at the fish in the Union: Get a life.
Campus Health charged me $7.50 for ONE Benadryl. Is this how they make their money?!
To the abled guy who just used the UL elevator: Damn, you’re cute, but are you really that lazy?
Dear sexy Chinese 102 prof: You accessorize like a goddess.
Send your one-to-two sentence entries to email@example.com, subject line ‘kvetch.’