v.1 (Yiddish) to complain
Dear ex-boyfriend: Thanks for almost running me over with your bike. You’ve already crushed me once, you don’t need to do it again.
To the man standing uncomfortably close behind me at the Davis ATMs, I just let out an SBD. You’ve been warned.
Dear New Jersey: Your shows are like Busch Light — cheap yet satisfying.
Guys of UNC: Contrary to popular belief, bathing is still a necessity for picking up girls … no matter how desperate we are.
To the girl licking each page of her textbook in Davis and moaning quietly: studying just became all the more interesting.
To the person who thoughtfully left lubricant and a condom on my desk in Davis: Thank you for your concern, but my math homework and I are only getting to first base tonight.
To the birds that attacked me on the stairs by the Union: a plague on both your nests!
To the voice on the intercom in Davis: Why can’t you be as sexy and mysterious as the voice in the UL?
To the person at Spencer who continues to steal my bike, and yet brings it back. Uhh …thanks?
To the girl wearing a dress and climbing a tree in the Pit: It may look like a tree, but all I see is bush.
Send your one-to-two sentence entries to email@example.com subject line ‘kvetch.’
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